immutable

Glory on high.

2008-11-08T12:11:00.002-08:00

Things are going well.

School is amazing. Even the banal pharmacokinetics homework seems fun and I know why it seems fun - it is because it is practical. I really missed practicality. Even in my chemistry undergrad I hardly ever felt like the work I was doing was practical. It felt contrived. The long labs were useless. But now the homework, the classes, the readings all seem important. It is a nice feeling.

My favorite parts so far have to be PBL and Anatomy. PBL, if I haven't explained before, is 6 hours of class each week where we are given limited information on a made up patient and essentially made to diagnose the problem. It is surprisingly exciting - I get really into it.

And anatomy, though tedious at times, is fascinating once we start to be able to see how various systems interact. We are in the abdomen at the moment, working through the gastrointestinal system and we spend a few hours each week teasing out the arterial, venal, nervous and lymphatic systems related to the GI tract. It really is cool how complex we are. I had no idea. I guess I thought that because the medical profession had become so adept at surgery that the body was simple - that you could cut through someone, fix up a lung, and stitch the person up. Not at all. Nerves and veins and arteries run everywhere. I can't imagine, at this point, how surgery can possibly work. It will be terrifying but amazing to get into a surgery clerkship in a few years.

My life is plenty busy and getting busier. I just started working for Kaplan as an LSAT teacher (for some reason) and also just found out that I will be heading to Honduras for the summer to set up health infrastructure with the concurrent benefits of learning spanish and travelling around South America. The actual project is only about a month, but I am going to see about staying for much of the summer. Maybe I will head back to Montreal for a month ... it is just so great there.

I bought skis for the first time in maybe 13 years which is awesome. I am heading up to Big White in January for a big ski trip which will be the first time I have skied in about 10 years. I am considering getting a Whistler seasons pass, but they are pretty pricey. That said, who knows when I will have the same amount of time as I have now.

I went to a research night on thursday. I somewhat regret the research that I ended up in. I don't know why I thought I liked computers as much as I did. I totally would have prefered to have done either social research or immunity research. I am glad that I am in medical school. I shudder to think how terrible my life would have been if I had ended up in a chemistry graduate program.

But I am not. And, as if things weren't great enough, I have a handlebar mustache (to the extreme) which I am cultivating as part of Movember. I like it. I like it a lot. I may have to change my wardrobe/style/lifestyle to fit the mustache.

fashion

2008-10-05T17:38:00.002-07:00

according to Current Obs/Gyn: for pregnant women well-fitted shoes with heels of medium height are best in pregnancy.

technology

2008-10-04T13:33:00.001-07:00

I fucking love it.

Seriously - i just sent a text message and got a major rush of endorphins.

friday night lights

2008-10-03T22:20:00.002-07:00

late friday night, too exhausted from a busy week ( and a tad fearful of the upcoming midterm ) to go out this evening. Shot crawl and party tomorrow night followed by a very busy day of sports and studying. At some point I have to write 5 scholarship apps.

We have already started to see patients. Last thursday was my first day. We travelled out to delta, put on our white coats and stethoscopes and sat down to interview. We have this model that is being pushed pretty hard called FIFE, which stands for Feelings/Fears, Ideas, Functioning and Expectations. We are supposed to use this model to get a good sense of our patient and how they are dealing with their illness and the disease. I find it a little frustrating - I don't necessarily want to understand how a person who is coming to fulfill their 10 year vaccine requirements feels about it. but maybe I should. I sure do want to be a compassionate physician but I can't help but feel I am being cheesy. i guess it is good practice and I can moderate it when I am for real.

Anyway, just doing the basics now: interviewing, blood pressure, other vitals. But some people are already observing c-sections, giving shots and burning off warts. So maybe I will get to do cool things soon! it is a pretty great way to learn. I can see why residency is so important. there is so much to know.

i know, I promised

2008-09-15T16:13:00.003-07:00

Okay,

I've been chastised enough. Today is the day.

A brief recap: Montreal was spectacular. I will always love that city, at least until my liver tells me that enough is enough and shuts down my fun zone. As expected, the summer was amazing with friendly people coming out of the woodwork for a whole plethora of good times.

But that is the past. Now is medical school time.

I arrive back in Vancouver just in time for a torential downpour. Not an auspicious beginning, but I powered through. Settled in at Azim's beautiful house (right next to the ocean! I took my mug and book to the beach yesterday to "study"!) and almost immediately started school.

Orientation week was a lot of obvious stuff mixed in with invitations to drink. 256 med students plus 50 odd dental students makes for a massive class with plenty of people to meet. Three weeks on and I am still struggling with names (and faces). Friday of orientation week we were thrust into action: Gross Anatomy lab.

You could see the fear on almost everyone's face as they prepared to enter the lab. It was a low lying fear and I think for most people the excitement was overcoming any anxiety, but the fear was there. Inside the lab were 50 bags, one for each group of 6 students, zipped up though the outline of the body was obvious. These bags contained people who had given their bodies to science and to medicine and who knew that they would be dissected by first year students with no idea what they were doing. I still struggle with faith and belief and all that and I have great respect for these people who, in the face of the unknown, were willing to put their faith in science.

The professor opened his bag and, while our bags remained firmly shut, began his lesson on the dissection. This was the hardest part of the whole lab. The fumes in the lab were extremely strong but I think it was the anticipation of how one would react to seeing and touching their first cadaver that got to most people. I felt a few times like I was getting light-headed and had to hold on to the wall. Then the lesson was finished and we were invited to see our cadaver.

It was a pretty intense moment, one that I am not likely to forget. After the initial rush, we got down to the dissection and really never looked back. I don't want to go to much into it here, mainly out of respect for the person and their family.

The following Monday the lectures started for real. The lectures are fascinating, of course, though I am already amazingly behind.

No inadvertently funny profs yet, though most, if not all of the profs are hilarious is they want to be.

And UBC is really pushing the wellness front. They have about 40 of us doing yoga and mindfullness meditation. But they suckered us it - they presented a scientific paper that said we would do better in school if we meditated. They know our only weakness ... marks.

it's done!

2008-05-19T12:57:00.002-07:00

Thursday morning I received a wonderful email telling me that I had been accepted to UBC medical school.

Barring any upsets (like Calgary giving me money) I will be in Vancouver come September, busy as all hell.

So yeah, expect this blog to become more of a place to vent and to talk about all the disgusting things I will get to see. Like Sam does. Mmmm, syphilis.

future shock

2008-04-06T09:38:00.004-07:00

I am in a terrible purgatory.

Montreal slowly emerges from its winter-y cocoon, occasionally regressing but generally moving forward, and people seem happier. Last night, all over town, hopeful youths tested out their spring clothing (read: short skirts and striped shirts) and blessed the warmth that is 8 degrees Celsius.

I'll admit that I fell into the trap: after a delightful final four beer tasting championship at Dieu du Ciel I convinced the group to head to Casa de Popolo in the hope that the patio would already be open. It wasn't. It is still cold. We are fools.

Fucking Squirrels. Ate my bike seat. That is what long winters lead to: Desperation. I should blame winter. I should blame me - we could have fed those squirrels and they wouldn't have needed to resort to faux leather. I am sure there is a lesson here somewhere.

Back to purgatory. First, an introduction:

I have finished my med school interviews. Halifax, Calgary, Vancouver and Winnipeg. Here are my thoughts:

Halifax:

First interview so I was nervous. Stayed with Ian and saw Halifax though him and his girlfriend. The school seemed nice and the medical students, like all the students, seemed to like their school. Still, it lacked some energy. The city was damp and slushy. Ian was a little bitter. Lael and Sean bad mouth the city all the time.

I'll be honest: the city is important. I know that medicine will be pretty encompassing but still, I want to enjoy my city. I am not sure that I would enjoy Halifax.

But Dalhousie does have some interesting ideas about combining medicine and the arts/music and they are devoted to global medicine.

Calgary:

This place was surprisingly great. The school is only 3 years which I appreciate and they really pushed the PhD/MD route as an option and were not opposed to my suggestion of mixing the MD with a humanities PhD. The students were the best of any school that I had been to.

This city is maybe not that great but again, the only cities I really, really want to be in are Toronto or Montreal and that is not in the cards, at least for the next 4 years. Calgary is close to Banff and the Rockies and the students seemed to bond over hockey with is my new favorite sport so it would probably be fine.

Hung out with Grant and Sara and went to bars that I didn't really enjoy (though I loved the company). I think that my life in Calgary would certainly involve avoiding the bar scene and that cannot be bad. I would spend a lot of time skiing and heading to the mountains.

Vancouver:

I do love Vancouver but I am afraid of it now. I don't know why. This confusing fear is warping my feelings on the medical school. I didn't go on the tour nor meet many students but I feel like I know that UBC is good. It is a big class and I may have to be at UVic but still, it would be a great place to be at school.

Winnipeg:

I had a great time in Winnipeg but that may not be representative of Winnipeg in general. That said, the people who love Winnipeg love it a lot. But I am reading a Miriam Toews book that speaks on a sign on the outskirts of the city that cheers the mosquito bite rate decreasing from 48 bites per minute to 2 at the end of the rainy season. I hate bugs. I may hate bugs more than anything. Plus, can you imagine how rural the rural component would be at Manitoba. Jeebus.

The medical students were, for the most part, in Cuba so I couldn't interact with them all that much but the education centre was amazing. New next year and incredible. And I guess that the fact that all the students were together in Cuba means that it is a close knit group. I understand that there is a lot of drinking ... and I like drinking.

Those are my four options. McGill and Toronto rejected me and I hate them. I could reapply next year to McGill as an in province student (with the concurrent increase in likelihood of acceptance) but it is risky and the application process sucks.

So, here I am. I have 4 potential schools but I will not know anything until May 15th. Until then, I know nothing and I can decide nothing. I feel like I am in purgatory.

sometimes I feel like this

2007-12-06T18:11:00.000-08:00

The Impostor Syndrome, or Impostor Phenomenon, sometimes called Fraud Syndrome, is not an officially recognized psychological disorder, but has been the subject of a number of books and articles by psychologists and educators. Individuals experiencing this syndrome seem unable to internalize their accomplishments. Regardless of what level of success they may have achieved in their chosen field of work or study, or what external proof they may have of their competence, they remain convinced internally that they do not deserve the success they have achieved and are really frauds. Proofs of success are dismissed as luck, timing, or otherwise having deceived others into thinking they were more intelligent and competent than they believe themselves to be. This syndrome is thought to be particularly common among women who are successful in their given careers and is typically associated with academics.

It is rather unpleasant feeling, to be sure that you are fooling others into thinking you are good, but to have no confidence that it is in fact true. Obviously, I don't feel it all the time, but sometimes and it especially worries me in light of my chosen career path. I am freaked right out. I hope they teach confidence.

Kerria is reading a book called The Road, about the apocalypse (I think), and is frightening herself. She reads it immediately before bed and last night questioned me on whether I would eat her if I was desperately hungry. I said that I was 99% sure that I wouldn't, which I thought was pretty good. Apparently not. Apparently I am not allowed to eat her at all. The conversion continued into the next evening and we finally got things sorted - I promised that I wouldn't cause her demise so that I could eat and she gave me permission to eat her if she died of natural causes, given that I did everything in my power to ensure she survived. I think it is a pretty good deal.

Which leads me to: Holy Fuck! Apocalypse!

You know me (right?). I am a scientist. I heart science. And, moreover, I heart the ability of science to make everything right. Tippi tried arguing with me about how that idea was stupid and that our desire for the new, the better, etc. was insatiable and dangerous, but I brushed him off - I read the singularity (well, I didn't, but I get the gist), I know that science will be the one ring to rule us all (but, like, in a good way).

But now Kerria and her education are really getting me down. I stand outside, waiting for the bus and think "Wow, I would die really quickly if I didn't have a warm bath waiting for me at home." I am spoiled and weak and totally can't deal with things. I would probably fall apart. Occasionally, I imagine myself in the apocalypse and think that I would do well. I imagine myself building a commune, good at "things", natural. You know. But it is a pipe-dream. I need skills.

I talked to an "older person" and they told me that every generation has their fears of apocalypse, and this is true what with world wars and cold wars and depressions, but our problem, the whole drastic environmental change, is not human-fixable. Human caused, sure, but not fixable. We can disarm bombs but we can't restart the thermohaline cycle. And I am not sure we can live without it.

shnow

2007-11-21T18:19:00.000-08:00

it has started to snow here ... it really takes me back.

I have a diary/sketchy-book thing. It is unbearably lame, festooned with things that were definitely not festoons, and includes plenty of lists, badly designed desks and clothes that no man or woman could ever possibly fit into as well as an occasional entry.

I made this diary/sketchy-book thing the first time I was in Montreal (2003?) and then did not use it again until I came back for the summer of 2006. It was weird reading the entries from the first time and realising that my fears, desires, goals (or lack thereof), etc. were pretty much the same. three years had passed and some of the new entries felt verbatim to the old entries.

I didn't feel the same, but when I wrote I apparently was the same. It was disconcerting but a little reassuring. I could be pretty sure that I was still me.

I am aware of it now and, like that dalmatian appearing in the splotches, I can't not be aware of it. It informs any personal writing I do - I always wonder if I am thinking the same and, being inherently contrary, it causes me to try and think differently. Or at least fake it 'till I make it.

The point: the writings were always about finding some purpose. I seem absolutely addicted to purpose, to moving forward, to tangible accomplishment. I hope one day I can not feel that way. can a goal of mine really be to become goal-less? is that allowed?

maybe goal-less is the wrong sentiment. maybe it is content where I am, rather than content in my ambition. endless streams of frailty make me question ambition. ambition may have failed us. but I so desperately want to go into space.

Done

2007-11-17T17:54:00.000-08:00

After about 2 and a half months of applying and another 2 months of MCAT preparation, I finally submitted my last application. It was to McGill and in typical Matt fashion, was submitted at 11:54pm for a deadline of 11:59pm.

Right down to the line. Now, I feel much more relaxed. It is, to some extent, out of my hands. I have to interview still, but that seems less important than actually getting the interview.

Anyway, today I just wandered around, ecstatic in my freedom. I didn't do much of anything. I bought two pairs of shoes.

I also came across a major Christmas parade, forcing its way through the most busy shopping street in Montreal. It is, in case you were unsure, mid November. I had just wrapped my head around the Christmas decorations replacing witches on November 1st and now this. Woe is me.

I am sure the reason is to save the poor little fingers of the baton twirling elves, but still, they should suck it up for realism. Elves die in snowless conditions. It is their cross to bear.

The reason that I actually came on here is to discuss waving at parades. Why do people on floats feel the need to wave? How has this come about. In original parades, I assume based on pretty much no knowledge, were for famous people who had, you know, done something interesting. All people on floats have done is to be on that float. Why are they waving and why do we feel like waving back?

I think that people on parades should do their dancing and singing and whatever, but they should not wave unless they see someone they actually know in the crowd and only if totally necessary (waving to a single person in the crush of a crowd could lead to a misunderstanding, a returned wave from a confused bystander, prompting its own return wave from the float person, who is now some distance down the road and thus presenting the wave to a whole new set of potential mis-wavers. It could result in disaster. Actually, that is probably what always happens. A parade starts, someone in the parade recognises someone in the crowd, an errant wave results in mass waving that only ends days after the parade is over).

umm, yeah.

baa!

2007-08-23T18:00:00.000-07:00

I feel a little sheepish.

feelings, nothing more than feelings

2007-08-21T19:45:00.000-07:00

Originally Posted by LavenderDoll88

Is anyone else trying desperately to convince their loved ones that the test was impossible, they had to guess on half of the questions, and that they did terrible...... and keep getting the reply "You always say that, I know you did awesome." ????

No one understands the horror that was the July 24th MCAT.

I keep saying nooooo I know I always think I did bad on tests, but this time I REALLY did bad on a test!!!!! I'm the girl who cried wolf, and now I'm going to be eaten alive and no one believes me

now approaching midnight

2007-07-31T12:47:00.000-07:00

Can I go on a rant? Thanks.

I spent a significant potion of my summer holed away in an increasingly disgusting room (psychologically disgusting more than dirty) memorizing facts about the body. To be fair, I found much of it quite interesting, but still ... summer. it is a time for reckless abandon, for adventure, for testing one's physical limits for doing and not doing.

but, okay, for the sake of my glorious future, I sacrificed some of my summer, but I did so with the understanding that my sacrifice would result in some sort of benefit.

Rather, coming out of the MCAT, I felt that the test could have been done with no outside knowledge. It felt like the test was completely different from what I was expecting.

I am a tad upset, but am not going to do anything rash until the results come out. Until then, I want my summer back.

More cliff jumping. more lakes. more abandon.

a resounding crash.

2007-07-22T21:34:00.000-07:00

Via: VideoSift

posting with gremlins

2007-06-25T11:36:00.000-07:00

i don't have much to say, but I certainly am freaking out ... which is always enjoyable. more on this later.

there was a fashion show a few days ago, at which I was tricked (yes, tricked) into performing. I expected to be one of a crowd, but with the exception of a group of semi-professional hip-hop dancers, I was the sole (i believe) person to do anything other than just walk (sashay?) down the 3 dents.

What was great, though, was that even though I was barely able to practice and even though I was surrounded by people that I could confidently assume were judging me (and my distinct lack of model physique) and even though there was a good chance that I was going to back step my way off the catwalk, I felt surprising calm.

Now, back in high school I desperately wanted to be in one of the plays but was completely unable to even try-out. My fear of being judged (and found lacking) was debilitating. So, what am I to make of my latest foray. As I came out into the crowd, Harmonkey's mom told me I should be in theatre. She seems to have a way of saying what people want to hear but I wonder.

My four goals, then: perform surgery, act in a play, design my own clothes, work for the UN.

those seem like achievable goals now.

good.

studying goes slowly. that causes the freakouts.

erg, spaggle-fook.

2007-06-19T09:52:00.000-07:00

eep! its been months.

do not despair. facebook will loosen its hold eventually ... I'm sure.

anyway, we all know that summer causes electronic doldrums. Why post here when I could be in the sun, getting that all important vitamin D? that was rhetorical.

excuses, excuses.

well, if anybody is left:

i am reading an absolutely mesmerizing book by Stephen Lewis who was a UN special envoy on HIV/AIDS. He writes passionately about his time in Africa and with the UN as he tried to overcome the terrible bureaucracy of the organisation.

Anyway, it seems I have to cut this short but the fact that this one man is not afraid to face the problem of HIV/AIDS in Africa and the world is amazingly encouraging and inspiring.

whore.

2007-05-17T22:09:00.001-07:00

I am a whore. why didn't I realise this before?

BRAINS!!!

2007-05-15T00:24:00.000-07:00

chatting with k.gray this evening made me realise that I can be a tad argumentative. Also, I am very guarded with my opinions ... well, maybe just my true opinions ... I am completely not guarded about random and useful-for-the-argument opinions.

Actually, what may be more accurate is to say that two aspects of opinions serve to make me wary of discussing them. Firstly, some opinions are so obvious that I just don't want to talk about them - for example: "sex with prepubescent children is bad". I will argue against this conclusion if anyone brings it up just because I hate conversations where everybody is obviously on the same page.

The second problem is that issues that are not obvious are pretty much very complicated. I feel, in many situations, that I tend in one direction but I am not willing to become complacent nor dogmatic. So, I argue or pick holes and definitely choose the side of the issue that others aren't taking. I always thought it a good thing, a selling point, if you will. I was the guy who sought out the quirks of a issue, made sure it was presented fully.

But, I probably should present myself as the agreeable person I am. I mean, I usually agree with my friends. Sure, there are probably some good things about the seal cull, which I will certainly bring up, but in general I am against bludgeoning seals to death. Yeah, there is something to be said about higher education being made more inaccessible, which you can be sure I will argue vociferously for, but I really believe that education should be freely available. I'll write an essay stating that the point of human evolution is for us to go faster and harder until we build that fucking tower and shake God's hand, but I also really enjoy relaxing with friends by a lake roasting potatoes over a scavenged wood fire (the ashes scattered in the forest, of course). And, as time goes on, I appreciate the latter more and more.

Anyway, the main point of this is to say that I have become accustomed to being the foil and if it bugs you, just tap me on the arm and tell me that now is not the time for me to be pointing out the flaws in your premises and I will back off and just enjoy the sunset or baklava or whatever. I was enjoying it before, believe you me, but I can shut up so we can enjoy it together. But be aware that, every now and then, I may need to explore an issue in its minutia. This goes for all of you. Except my argumentative friends. We can continue on in the same vein until we are old and arguing about ... I don't know ... whether virtual reality is good or not (it isn't but I will argue that it is).

The conversation that K and I were having was about the 100 mile diet. The idea, which may or may not be a good thing in itself, is more important, as K pointed out, as a catalyst to encourage one to recognise the importance of food in one's life, to develop a sense of place and a sense of attachment to your food which nourishes and sustains you. It sounds hippy-dippy, and it probably is, but it sure resonated last night (it did, I swear K!).

That said, I thought I would throw a couple of links from metafilter, which is a community blog populated by people like me, about that issue, about how to improve one's relationship to food and about a recent article stating that even skinny people are fat . Then I can remain neutral and still get my kicks.

comments on the 100 mile diet
comments on the relationship to food
article
comments on the article

whoa ... neo style.

2007-05-08T23:02:00.000-07:00

I finally opened the MCAT study book. Crikey! (damn you sam).

It is a massive amount of information to absorb, running the (science) gamut of chemistry, physics and biology. I expected to have to know much, but I was still a little shocked by what one is expected to have memorized.

Anyway, I should start studying about 4 hours a day. And just when I expected school and studying to be finished. blah. On the other hand, I love it. That, I guess, is a good sign. I am fixed on org chem right now, which is ironic(-ish) because I thought I hated that subject.

But this summer still will give me what I need. This weekend is a climbing trip to Strathcona that I am super pumped about.

Anyway, I need encouragement and plans. Give me both.

blast, damn, etc.

2007-04-25T11:23:00.001-07:00

it seems that I have decided on montreal, for a whole year, starting in September.

The joy of that is that this summer is mine and mine alone. I may work, but I probably won't.

Anyway, all you west coasters who love and adore me should get their matt on very soon (although if all goes well I will be back in September). We can do the folloying this summer: camping, climbing, clamboring, canoodling, cloistering, cowering, coveting, (a)costing, cayaking, (c)hiking. Also, I am open to suggestions.

Suggestions people! I finish my last undergraduate exam tonight and then I am (somewhat) free. Let us experience the finest that the west coast has to offer, in all its bug-free goodness. I don't have a car, but I do have a bike. I want to bike to Whistler. who is in?

I also want to kayak the islands. Again, who is in?

Lastly, the ferry trip up the coast. Never done it, always wanted to. Who is in?

more. more more more more. I want to be tanned and healthy before descending into the bacchanalian drink-fest that is montreal. be crunchy before i turn pretentious.

understandable

2007-04-05T23:40:00.000-07:00

woo. tired.

You know, I have often argued that choice is a strange bed-fellow. We all want choice, hate being told what to do, aggressively assert our desires and occasionally buy the walnut burger when we know that we like the regular veggie burger. Life on the edge, etc.

And, despite the upcoming rant, I do like choice. I think.

rant: fuck choices. fuck them outrageously. fuck signing up for a career. fuck paths. fuck hand forcing and fuck symbolic gestures. fuck mandatory exams and the agencies that (sometimes) provide them. fuck funding. fuck economic downturns and litigious societies. fuck dark windowless rooms and fuck iterative research. fuck student loans. fuck being afraid of not being able to pay for school. fuck deferrals and definitely fuck not knowing. fuck stretched out degrees. fuck limitations. fuck fine print. fuck salesmanship. fuck pretty binders.

okay, I finished my last class of undergraduate studies today and am fully sober. This is a bad sign. I feel ... uneasy.

I have so many good options and I am completely stressed out. This is the opposite of what should be happening. Options should relieve stress. blah.

Anyway, New York was good, marred slightly right at the end, but that probably had more to do with a lack of sleep than anything else. People were friendly, although we didn't have the mind-blowing, earth-shattering, radical discussions I expected. Still, I can imagine it would be a fun city to be in, especially once I found that free stuff. But, it was busy, pushy, focused and aggressive. Fine for a while, but for at least 3 years plus however many years of indentured servitude I would have to endure. And NYU was exciting. Full of people doing things. I like things.

Oh, who am I kidding. I am full of fear.

Deadlines approach and people expect me to tell them things and I just keep stalling while somehow concurrently increasing my options. Most recent idea: 1 year masters at UVic. Got offered it today. The prof thinks we can push it through. Yay! Options!

The natural history museum in NY is the most amazing place ever. I truly believe that one could spend a year reading every sign in that place and come out as well educated as any university graduate. Schools should set up comprehensive exams at the exits, multiple choice with scantron machines waiting and hand out degrees to hardcore New Yorkers who just want to learn "outside the system, man." These hardcore New Yorkers are apparently also hippies. We went and spent two hours checking out rocks before Colin pointed out that we hadn't even seen all the rooms on the first floor. Near closing time, we were literally running through the exhibits trying desperately to find the dinosaur room. Stegosaurus used those fins for heat dissipation, not protection. And there was a big note about how we don't know the colour of dinosaurs, so now I imagine them in terrifyingly vibrant colours trying to hide behind shrubbery. Pink Rexs hunting bright blue beasts. No more subdued natural colours for you, suckers. Colin is still mad that we looked at rocks for so long. my bad, sorry. Why were dinosaurs so big? Someone explain that aberration.

I have much more to say, but it in midnight and I must sleep. I will rant more later.

Wait, something good (besides the obvious: communists):

I love my volunteer job so much. I love interacting with people I normally wouldn't have a chance to. I love hearing the students say "I hadn't thought of that." I love when I see one of them sat at the edge of their seat absorbing what the professor is saying. I hate saying this sometimes, because it makes me feel like an entitled jerk (I have a definite belief in respecting ones elders, wisdom and all that), but I really like helping people learn. Education, dudes - it rocks. And yet, I have no real desire to be a teacher. Well, maybe a small desire to be a teacher. which is another big reason why I shouldn't go to various law schools.

nervous

2007-03-21T13:07:00.001-07:00

very nervous.

but baby is cute (youtube).

to be fair, the baby did come into contact with kryptonite during birth. I was bound to lose.

late

2007-03-15T02:14:00.000-07:00

jebus. it is late. encore.

I am in the middle of a hectic time, mainly because I decided to compact all of my classes and assignments into two weeks instead of a leisurely three so that I could head out to New York and figure out if NYU will be intellectually rigorous enough for me! That and I couldn't pass up an almost fully subsidised trip to NYC.

The upshot is that my last semester of undergrad is turning out to be uber-busy. Love it.

This week consists of finally finishing my program (which I shunted into a 498 class - my only 400 level class in 6 years of university!), after just recently figuring out the problem that had plagued my supervisor and me for a few days (I emailed my supervisor at 11:13pm to advise him of my success while he was concurrently emailing me to send his regrets!), and writing lab after lab after lab. I will be avoiding the "final pub crawl of my undergraduate career," as is often exclaimed by my wide-eyed fellow students, so that I can finish all this stuff. Of course, I may still meet the crew later just to revel in their drunkenness.

There are a few other things going on, interviews and the like, so I am trying to learn french this weekend as well.

On a much more pleasant note, I finally got out on the water this past weekend. K came out and, on a spur of the moment decision, we decided to rent a boat to row around in the harbour. We wanted to go friday evening but we were too late, so we booked ahead for saturday afternoon at 1pm. The day started out dreary but bright and we convinced ourselves that the weather would conform to our desires. At 12:59, totally appropriately, the rain started falling, slowly at first, taunting us, before pouring down mockingly.

I think I may have yelled (just a litte) and perhaps cursed someone or something. We ended up huddling under the tiny canopy at the marina debating whether we should go or not - the employee suggested no. We wavered but our adventurous spirit prevailed ... we would go out for 1 hour (instead of the planned 3), freeze to death, get completely soaked, return miserable but triumphant in our sneering at the element and then tell all our friends that it was totally worth it! The 4 of us (harmony and alan came too) boarded tentatively and, paddles knocking against each other in a distinctly non-rhythmic pattern, we steered into the harbour avoiding watertaxis as best we could. Success! The rain stopped soon after we got out in the water and we called the marina to extend our trip - no one hour pathetic circle ... we were going on a three hour tour.

We found an island and I know where you think this is going. We had our own Ginger Grant, so we decided to send Alan (Gilligan?) onto the island. He stole a flower and angered the natives. It started to rain again. Correlation or causation? What more can an angry spirit do than cause rain? We bailed, bailed, bailed, drank beer, ate food, struggled vainly against surging rapids, and, against all odds, discovered ourselves. It was a teen dream cruise. So much sex.

And at the end, we totally tried to chase and board a watertaxi. The occupants looked frightened ... or maybe happy ... some emotion that involved showing teeth. Anyway, I just note this to show how much we changed in those three hours. When we first came out we were sheep, fearful of taxis and their terrible wakes. At the end we were sharks. Watertaxi chasing sharks.

god it's late.

Alors, parce-que en seulement 5 jours je devrai parler avec deux Quebecois au sujet du gouvernement, je finirai cette lettre en français. J'espere qu'il tu as rendu heureux.

K: any good?

merde.

now you know ... you big baby.

2007-03-04T21:23:00.000-08:00

from here:

As onions are sliced, cells are broken, allowing enzymes called alliinases to break down sulfides and generate sulfenic acids (amino acid sulfoxides). Sulphenic acids are unstable and decompose into a volatile gas called syn-propanethial-S-oxide. The gas dissipates through the air and eventually reaches the eye, where it reacts with the water to form a dilute solution of sulfuric acid. This acid irritates the nerve endings in the eye, making them sting. Tear glands produce tears to dilute and flush out the irritant.

most definitely, jeeves

2007-02-21T08:18:00.000-08:00

what an enjoyable week (with a few unenjoyable moments)

I was brought to toronto to check out the law school here, just to get a better feel for the school, the faculty and the other acceptees. It seemed amazing, and although the other admits seemed a tad awkward at times, the upper year students were amazing, so there is hope for law school kids.

The facilities are interesting, ranging from lectures around a dining room table to bunker style bathrooms. But, all of the badness of the facilities is mediated by the fact that Trinity College (woe is me!) is nearby and has a working fireplace around which you can study. As some of you may know, studying around a fireplace in a castle type building is actually all I wanted out of my university education.

Spent most of my time in toronto getting drunk, which was nice. I wandered down to Waterloo to visit some old friends on friday, went to a back to the future party, and they spent saturday cross country skiing. It was so gorgeous and surprisingly fun. If all goes well, I may be going again on Sunday, skiing through Manning Park.

Most of my friends are very anti-law school (with the exception of jon and colin, who are in law school) and none more so than some of the folk in Toronto. So, I was taken to the hospital to do a little shadowing with one of my doctor friends. It was amazing. Exciting, intellectual, collegial, and with research opportunities. I think I know what I want to do, but it is occasionally so tempting to follow other interesting paths. that said, medical school may be impossible due to a complete lack of MCAT testing sites. damn.

anyway, flying back to vancouver today, which should be its own slice of awesome.

as a precursor to posting the essay ....

2007-02-11T12:41:00.000-08:00

my favorite song that involves star trek:

waste time?

2007-02-10T20:37:00.000-08:00

Well, I must say that I really enjoyed this:

And this is still funny.

and this is what might happen to me:

flat beat

and they said it couldn't be done

2007-02-07T13:55:00.000-08:00

So, in the mail today I found a large package addressed from NYU.

"Large package!," I exclaimed, "I know what that means."

and, indeed, I did. I am accepted into NYU School of Law, and all of the associated benefits of that. I don't know if I will go. I was also accepted to University of Toronto Law School so if I choose the law school route, it may be better to stay in Canada.

But what is exciting is that NYU is, by most rankings, is the 5th best law school in America (after Yale, Stanford, Harvard and Columbia) and I was accepted after having written an essay that talked about what a strong influence Star Trek had on my life.

Ain't that great? Star Trek to Law School. I am extremely pleased with myself right now.

all that is good

2007-02-01T16:02:00.000-08:00

sun was out in force yesterday.

I stumbled out of my exam, looking desperate and bearded, disheveled and hungry. I expect the drearyness to bring me down, to crush heavily on me but rather I was greeted by a cloudless sky. It is the first cloudless sky I have seen in a long time. I searched for clouds. There were none. zero. cloudless.

So, i threw on my headphones, put on some agressive opera and went on an incredibly enjoyable bike ride.

back in van encore this weekend, if any of you want to meet up. It is my sis's b-day on saturday. wanna go drinking?

this article seemed appropriate.

and these seem like great ways to figure out what mainstream shows you just have to go to: iconcertcal and sonicliving.

whoops.

2007-01-25T10:13:00.000-08:00

I recently received an email from a friend that I worked with in montreal who said:

Matt, congrats on the law school acceptance. Which school? (I think you'd be a good lawyer. Reason? You convinced me to start littering and it stuck with me for a WHOLE month. That's pretty impressive given my short attention span.)

That is pretty funny. I was just spouting off some ridiculous argument while bored at lunch (I also once brought a soft-core romance novel and read the sexy parts out-loud for the entire lunch ... I got very bored with some frequency), that one should litter because hiding litter is worse for the environment, and someone actually littered for a month.

boo ya.

you know what this does? it convinces me to continue to bullshit. possibly even bullshit more. think of the potential benefits ... for me ...

squids!

2007-01-25T01:40:00.001-08:00

The giant squid, which until recently had not been observed alive in its adult form, is the largest invertebrate; although it is possible that the colossal squid is even larger.

who names these things?

Oh, oh! (an adventure in government, you fools!)

2007-01-24T22:02:00.000-08:00

Hon. Stéphane Dion (Leader of the Opposition, Lib.):
No, Mr. Speaker, it was booked. Everything was booked and everything was cut--

Some hon. members: Oh, oh!

The Speaker:
Order. We must have a little order. The Prime Minister is not going to be able to hear the question. I think it is directed to him. We must have some order so we can hear the question and then get an answer. The hon. Leader of the Opposition has the floor. We will have some order, please.

Hon. Stéphane Dion:
Mr. Speaker, everything was booked. I know the Conservatives are very ashamed of what they are doing--

Some hon. members: Oh, oh!

The Speaker:
Order. We have to get on with the question. The hon. Leader of the Opposition will want to put the question.

Hon. Stéphane Dion:
Mr. Speaker, beyond these figures, does the Prime Minister not realize that he is hitting students, the homeless and adult literacy programs? Does he not realize he is hitting Canadians with these cuts he is trying to hide from them?

Right Hon. Stephen Harper (Prime Minister, CPC):
Mr. Speaker, he says they were booked. As for that $40 million missing in the sponsorship program, I am hoping that somebody over there will get booked as well.

These are things the Liberals promised the Canadian people for 13 years and never delivered.

[French]

Their record is an empty shell.

[English]

They are an empty shell. They have nothing to offer other than to promise the same things they failed to deliver before.

Hon. Lucienne Robillard (Westmount—Ville-Marie, Lib.):
Mr. Speaker, the minority government continues to display false transparency. First, the Conservatives cut $1 billion from programs for Canadians without ever assessing the effectiveness or pertinence of these cuts and without assessing the programs. Now they are making further cuts, which the government tried to slip under the radar in the recently tabled economic and financial update, without saying a word about it.

Can the Prime Minister tell us why he hid the truth from all Canadians?

Some hon. members: Oh, oh!

An hon. member: Calm down, you fools!

full circle

2007-01-09T19:07:00.001-08:00

I don't want to parrot the thoughts of our friend on commercial, but the weekend was definitely excellent. I seem to be attached to vancouver, so I guess it is fortunate that I learned early how to read on moving vehicles.

Saw body worlds, which was absolutely amazing. I wanted to touch everything, to get inside the bodies, to move them and watch the muscles tense, to put food in and watch the process. I can see how this desire leads to dehumamization, and I was aware of a certain oddness in how I was treating people around me after the exhibit. I wonder how far the dehumanization can go. I worry a bit about this.

I sometimes think that my motivations are very misunderstood or, more likely, completely unknown. Why am I applying to law school and taking my med school pre-reqs?

There is a strong part of me that very much wants to divest myself of everything, move to the fringes of society, embrace the joy of intense simplicity. But I don't. I very much do not want to become part of rat-race. Certainly have no desire to spend my life trying to keep up. I am not especially fond of being judged (although I am fond of being told that I am great).

I have narrowed it down to 4 things: order, breakdown, ozymandius and logical extremes. I will expand on these later.

It seems that a good chunk of us recent, or soon to be, graduates are experiencing a bit of a life issue. Suddenly we have been thrust out of the educational womb and are realising that there is a real world. I have just been told that I have no idea what this is like, but I think that many forget that I did my real-life-learning pre-university. I didn't stamp mortgage papers and live with the Gypsies (two separate events) for naught. No, I was seeing what real life was like. When I let my acceptance to U of T lapse I was really in the real world. I assumed I would go back to school (but so do many of you), but it wasn't set in stone. I was wandering aimlessly too.

A huge issue for me is exploration. I don't believe in an afterlife, I don't believe in reincarnation. I think this is what we got. And so I feel like I must experience as much as possible of it. From this stems the order I spoke of. I want to work hard now, when I can, to get myself access to institutions that will soon be off limits. I could become a docter at 50, but it is would be difficult. But at 50 one can still kayak their way around the world. This doesn't mean that I don't want to kayak around the world now, because I do, but I won't if it precludes me doing things that I need to do to see the world from interesting places.

Of course, all of this thinking about motivation has made me value even more the power of experience, so I will be sure to take advantage of the beauty of nature. If any of you want to join me for a week long kayak trip up the coast of BC sometime this summer, I would totally be in.

Logical extreme is the fact that I do unto others. The system we have now, the reward system sure ain't great, but it is better than what we had before. Sure, it would be great if communism worked, but it doesn't. This was another point of the biological talk: Can society can convince everyone to be nice? Are our existences are made better by the establishments we construct? Anyway, I am not willing to have the establishment collapse at the moment, therefore I must continue to act within the establishment. It is only fair.

breakdown is perhaps the strongest reason I have for my actions. Science I studied to stop the breakdown, but there are better people than I for that job, people who are interested solely in research and not is socialising. Law I would do to work my way into government where I could bring about the change I wish to see. Doctors are needed, especially if things collapse.

ozymandius is what it is. I can't break easily out of the desire to do SOMETHING, regardless of how many nihilistic people tell me it doesn't matter. It also doesn't hurt, especially since my view of the THING is to decrease our footprint.

in conclusion, Chris Nohr.

in double conclusion, things are never what they seem, blogging is ridiculous, reasons are in flux, the outcomes seem to be the same, and things go full circle.

and now we know ...

2007-01-08T10:39:00.000-08:00

The lungs before birth are completely collapsed, and so the
first breaths must inflate the lungs and open up the small
air sacs called alveoli, which are the actual site of oxygen
transfer to the blood. During the last trimester the fetus
starts secreting a fluid called surfactant into the alveoli.
The surfactant lowers the surface tension in the alveoli and
makes it easier to inflate them. Inadequate surfactant
production is one reason why premature infants often have a
much harder time breathing, and they may be given artificial
surfactant or cow surfactant to help them until their own
lungs start producing it. Premature infants also often have
another problem with breathing called apnea -- they
occasionally forget to breathe. For unclear reasons their
respiratory centers are not yet mature enough to control
consistent and continuous breathing.

I have been hanging out with too many babies. There were two at the potluck last night. Two whole babies. babies.

weeeeeee!

2007-01-02T18:48:00.000-08:00

oh no!

christmas is over. school commences again tomorrow and I am suddenly feeling very tired, the stress of relaxation catching up to me.

the holiday was rounded out by a very nice trip to pender, with sam, tippi and kerria. we got drunk and watched simpsons and argued over board games and did some hiking. Tippi and I, after being ditched by the girls, went hiking along a small spit which turned out to be one of the most beautiful places I have ever been. It was a gorgeous forest surrounded by a rocky coast and the view was of the various gulf islands and the ferry terminal, which many may not find beautiful, but I love the ferries and watching them sail in just added to my perceived beauty.

On pender we ate like kings. My plan to cook more is working out wonderfully. I made artichoke, roasted garlic, spinach and zucchini pizza on the first night, then sam made stuffed peppers and crumble stuffed apples. Back in victoria, kerria and I made a meal with red broccoli and squash and peach crumble. I can't really afford to eat this well, but it is damn good. Although making crumble is pretty easy. Has anyone ever become sick of crumble?

Had a long talk about biology and realised that I really believed that biology informed all of our action, that society and its pressures stemmed solely from biological pressures and that we were powerless in the face of these pressures. After a somewhat stressful conversation, I am not so sure. I know that I harp on incessently about agency, and I certainly believe in agency, but a psuedo-agency, whereby one's biology forces one to make a certain decision while one believes themselves in control. This is not necessarily an urgent pressure - rather, it is a slow process, similar to waves breaking rocks into sand. One can make "socially conscious decisions" but ultimately the power of biology would win. This is what I thought, even if I hadn't fully fleshed it out. Anyway, I am going to try to flesh it out more, without pissing off the people who are willing to discuss it with me. The upshot of the argument, by the by - the main point of contension - was that men and women may think differently and do so not because of social pressures but because of biology.

The theory is admittedly convenient because it partially excuses socially inappropriate behavior.

watched Hotel Rwanda. gah. was angry at the western powers for withdrawing but couldn't figure out what an army would do in the face of genocidal hatred of a large population by another population. Large scale relocation? massive protection of a refugee camp? I haven't looked it up yet, but can someone provide an example of when an army was able to stifle genocide, when that army was not interested in being partisan or contributing to the death count. I also was a tad disappointed that the movie was so one-sided. I believe that the bloodshed was directed both ways, although I may be missing some of the subtleties.

gory gory glory

2006-12-26T11:40:00.000-08:00

hey! Christmas is fun.

spent an extremely pleasent few days with my familiy being shunted between parental units but totally unstressed.

ate way too much, drank way too much.

Didn't play enough scrabble, although I did get a scrabble dictionary! anyone want to play? Pender maybe?

played with little kids including an adorable 3 year old who lives with my mom. the cutest little kid, with psuedo agency, and big eyes that you can't say no to. I haven't played or twirled so much in years. I refused before to make new years resolutions but I have one now ... to twirl more.

I also got the wickedest present, given to me even though I had asked for nothing: a digital camera. so excited, because I have been trying to convince myself for months (unsuccessfully) that I could afford one.

anyway, here is the first picture I liked:

now to try and become a happy photographer. weee!

sure. I'll party with you.

2006-12-24T01:35:00.000-08:00

parties beckon, an all night rave in a place called blood alley somewhere in gastown, and my semi-drunk self cannot drive and this semi-young city doesn't provide transit at this semi-late hour.

all night dance parties are my favorite.

the last few days have been filled with joy and good conversation, the stimulation of old friends who have pursued diverse paths and want to share.

commercial drive in its slowly gentrifying glory. potlucks and sushi and jelly beans and galas and skinny dipping and mountain biking ... oh my.

it has been sensational. i don't want it to end.

i really must sober up. I hate to miss a good party. and marissa and andrea and elfred. I haven't really seen them yet. this is why I want to go. people I love who happen to love dancing. peas in a pod.

The bright brightness

2006-12-19T12:49:00.000-08:00

Vancouver! Vancouver!

It is comfy here, but there is a distinct worry that this feeling comes directly from how relaxing it is. I have nothing to do. Exams ended 6 days ago and I have done nothing at all.

excellent.

A few nights ago, after spending the evening with Azim, Kater and Norah doing cryptic cross word puzzles, yelling at cryptic cross word puzzles, and somehow staying up to watch the entire Battlestar Galactica miniseries, I decided that I really wanted to walk back to Kerria's. So, at 4 in the morning, decked out in Azim's warm clothes, a glass of wine settling nicely in my belly and an ipod full of music, I set out.

The path took me across the bridge into downtown and then along the water into china town before depositing me on east pender, 15 long blocks away from commercial. The walk was somewhat as expected, beautiful and thought provoking across the bridge (metaphore for life), amusing and absurd along the water (penthouses and roof top gardens and impeccable lighting and boring aethetics and fast cars), and scary for the rest, full of shadowy figures and odd stumbling and averted gazes and strange body shapes.

Nothing happened, and 2 hours later I walked in, trying to be as unscary as possible. Certainly not making videos and sending them to kerria and her roomate.

A few days earlier, I had wandered down to the docks just after the sun had gone down and watched the activity from the bridge. It was fascinating, small trucks moving masive containers and sirens indicating that work was underway and it was bright and busy and beautiful. I didn't want to leave but it was cold and I was hungry.

But what did I get out of this? I wanted to walk for hours. I wanted to watch us take control. I think I expect too much. I expect there to be no mundane, for every moment to be impregnated with meaning. For the twitch of an eye to signal something more important. Where has this belief in the ubiquituousness of meaning come from? I am pretty sure it is a deeply rooted narcissism. damn it.

Moving on:

I think that my life is based solely on doing things I haven't done before, or at least doing whatever other people aren't at that moment. This, I doubt I need to tell you, makes lots of things difficult because there are plenty of people and they are all doing things. Two years of travelling before university? 6 years of university? I mean, I succumbed to university, but I am a terrible artist. I wasn't about to make it based on things I could make for others to enjoy. So, I needed some formal training, but I wasn't about to do it easily. Now what, a lawyer / doctor. There ain't many of those. So lame.

Anyway, I am trying to get better. I am trying to become less insular, which seems weird to say, because most people seem to look at me at some sort of incredibly social creature, but a comment was made that people know me ... I often don't know them.

So dinners at my house and more walks and less partying where no connection can be made. groups are bad news ... they make me crazy ... socially crazy, true, but different nonetheless.

That said, I also want more adventures and more spontenaity, just only with a few people: last night, for example, I came back to Azim's after a going to a party around the corner, to find Kate and Azim curled up on the couch. As I put my stuff down, ready for bed, kate mumbled something about a club downtown. of course, was my obvious reply, which she seemed shocked by, but invitation given she could not go back and so, at 1:30, we found ourselves walking across the bridge again on the way to the straight night at the gay bar. Danced for a bit, although I mainly looked shocked at the terrible music and then spazzed out and kate laughed at me. Back across the bridge where another random kate suggestion caused us to be swimming in the ocean at 4 AM.

I think there is a point to be made, somewhere in here. I just am not 100% sure what it is.

the beauty of study

2006-12-13T06:39:00.000-08:00

The above is a crashing wave, the colour caused by a bloom of bioluminescent dinoflagellates in California. True, they make the water super toxic, but so beautiful.

And yes, this is part of my studying ... I needed to find out about the dinoflagellate life cycle:

Dinoflagellates have a peculiar form of nucleus, called a dinokaryon, in which the chromosomes are attached to the nuclear membrane. These lack histones and remained condensed throughout interphase rather than just during mitosis, which is closed and involves a unique external spindle. This sort of nucleus was once considered to be an intermediate between the nucleoid region of prokaryotes and the true nuclei of eukaryotes, and so were termed mesokaryotic, but now are considered advanced rather than primitive traits.

finally, I can eat the entire bag of chips.

2006-12-09T15:43:00.000-08:00

a paper from harvard discussing small molecules that allow the simulation of a caloric restricted diet (which I have vainly tried to implement). actual paper. I don't think this is necessarily a weight loss tool, but rather something that will make your body believe that you are eating less and thereby slow down various metabolic processes (including food uptake). I think. It might just slow down food uptake in the intestine, which was previously done by simply cutting out most of the intestine. eww. anyway, I am procrastinating, not researching so don't blame me. If you know, let the world know.

oh, and it is in red wine, although:

Resveratrol is found in the skin of red grapes and as a constituent of red wine but apparently not in sufficient amounts to explain the “French paradox” that the incidence of coronary heart disease is relatively low in southern France despite high dietary intake of saturated fats.

ps: video, 3 posts down.

Hermes Trismigestus

2006-12-08T19:56:00.000-08:00

This guy was my favorite teacher even before I saw this.

The humour there, admittedly somewhat derivative, is exactly how he acts in all his classes. He seems too smart to function normally, but accepts it with grace and humour. Some people are bored by him, but I don't stop chuckling softly the whole class. It is great.

WATCH THE VIDEO! (2 posts down now) I love that dance, but have become a post-whore. So, I will remind you all to watch the video in subsequent posts until I tire of it, just so that it does not get lost in the ether.

Maids and Marions

2006-12-08T11:37:00.000-08:00

So, the dance below, it is called the madison.

The Madison is a novelty dance that was popular in the late 1950s to mid 1960s. It was created by a very famous hairdresser of the time called Malcolm Stern. Whilst travelling extensively in Spain on a dance exploration holiday he and his team found the dance so inspiring they brought it back to the West End and it was first performed at Le Discoteque in Wardour street, Soho, London. It is a line dance that features a regular back-and-forth pattern interspersed with called steps. Its popularity inspired dance teams and competitions, as well as various recordings, and today it is still sometimes performed as a nostalgic dance. It was demonstrated in a famous sequence of the Jean-Luc Godard film Bande à part, as well as in the John Waters movie Hairspray; and it continues to be performed in the Broadway musical Hairspray.

The dance is referred in the film Rocky Horror Picture Show.

In the 1970's the dance re-emerged as "The Nutbush", performed to Tina Turner's song Nutbush City Limits.

It was renamed the "Nutbush"? How odd.

Also, I think that more people I know should go on "dance exploration holidays." Come on people. Get on it.

examography

2006-12-07T17:03:00.000-08:00

4 classes down, two to go and I barely looked fazed. No bags, no worries.

It might be bad that I feel almost no stress at all. Last night I watched Bande a Part with Tippi. Me, watching french new wave movies during the exam period? Me watching french new wave cinema at all? What kind of evil robot has taken my place? Tippi and I figured out our costumes for next halloween ... or the next french new wave party. Tippi: we should throw a french new wave party. I can't stop saying french new wave. We need a funky girl to make this costume work. Who will it be? You have to do this:

half man / half wobble

2006-12-05T11:38:00.001-08:00

Apparently, according to the movie "Manufactured Landscapes," the filling of the Three Gorges Dam in China has caused a wobble in the Earth's rotation.

According to this post, when the Dam is filled, the time of the Earth's rotation will be changed such that an amature astronomer will be able to measure it.

That is a lot of water.

Mankind is fucking crazy.

I just finished reading The Wind-up Bird Chronicles which was absolutely amazing. I get into this mode where I want to only read about "real" things and I avoid fiction. But every once in a while I get given a great book that draws me in. I couldn't put it down. I love fiction. I also assume that I love wells. And crazy out of body experiences.

Thanks exams. You have ressurected the blog.

the alchemist goes on an adventure

2006-12-04T13:45:00.000-08:00

Exams are upon us. god, they fill me with dispair. but, they also allow for plenty of procrastination. Which is nice. Unfortunately, at the current trajectory (ah trajectories), I will be doing them for years to come. Whose idea was this?

Looking forward, very much, to the upcoming break. To spend a significant amount of time with people I haven't seen in a while (here's looking at you azim). Watch movies and make cook books and generally enjoy the city.

So, what am I thinking about, you are certainly asking yourself. I shall tell you now:

the real basics. the oddity of power. the simplicity of action and the complexity of reaction. the perverse sensuality of sinusoidal curves, coming at you wave after wave. the adsurdity of cliche. loss and gain.

things like that. Not, unfortunately, about contract theory or how ATP is made. Which, by most measures, would be the more efficient and rewarding things to be thinking about.

I watched 2 movies last night at chez tippi, while ostensiably studying. A doctumentary on Idi Amin, who was presented as a beast, more animal than man. Innocent, somewhat, perhaps unable to prevent his own atrocities. He may have caused the deaths of 500,000 people. and then we watched the Wrong Guy and I laughed. Rapid switch. Concerning.

edited.

vote

2006-11-19T14:35:00.000-08:00

My old montreal roomate has offered to send me a pencil case (of awesomeness). Yeah, that's right, they are made entirely of zippers.

Which one should I choose?

ahh, the problems that make life so completely unbearable.

psuedo

2006-11-17T14:44:00.000-08:00

I am pretty anti-psuedo science, but I remember being pretty excited by the idea that at one point humans were connected in some fantastical way. When I was younger, my mother swore that whenever she would start to get really worried about me I would contact her somehow.

Anyway, while I was reading about the Global Orgasm project (oh yeah!), I started to explore the way they plan on measuring whether there is a change in global consciousness.

I was surprised to find that the measurements were to be done by a group at Princeton and even more surprised when I looked at some of the data.

I have not explored the site extensively, but I believe the basic idea is that they have placed Random event generators around the world, which should, measured over an average of events, give the same value (like 200 coin tosses should really give 100 heads and 100 tails). Deviations from the norm are looked for an correlated with world events, the idea being that major world events would increase global consciousness and effect, somehow, randomness.

Okay. whatever. but then I saw the graph of data from the week around sept 11.

The y-axis shows the odds against the deviations from norm with each 0 being the start of a day (so from sept 6 - 13th).

That is pretty fucked up. A good question was brought up regarding increased electromagnetic (i.e. due to increased use of internet, cell phones, etc.) but they say that they have corrected for this.

Anyway, interesting to look into. Global consciousness potentially affecting randomness.

oh, global orgasm day is Dec 22nd. Y'all ready?

alive

2006-11-10T12:08:00.000-08:00

and going to pender!!!

although Rob won't be there, so with whom will I fight. Tippi? Seems unlikely. He whines like a little girl.

Yeah, that's right Tippi ... like a little girl.

Went on the chemistry pub crawl (for cheap because the shirts were ones I helped design. Slogan: "Nothing's Forbidden in an Excited State.") Not unexpectedly, I spent most of the night not at the pub crawl, but rather talking to friends from exotic places ... like locked in Market Square and under the bridge.

While there, I drunkenly agreed with Vanessa to have a psuedo-pot luck. A bunch of people came, but hardly anyone brought food, but it didn't matter because I made samosas (sp?) and they were amazingly tasty. True, ashley guided me through it the first time, but, last night, I made dinner for a friend and I and made them all by myself!! and they were good. And I made a sweet chili dip, with brown sugar, which was also good. And Gomae (spinach and sesame seed sauce). And the other person made stir fry. And we finished the apple crumble (delicious apple crumble) that vanessa made. It was a 4 course meal. I had to put on my suit. We tried to go to the Fernwood Inn (which is the upscale replacement of the George and Dragon) but it was far too yuppy-ish so we just bought beer and listened patiently to crazy people.

Tippi found a salt-water public pool in Esquimalt which was awesome. I am glad that weekly pool sessions are back.

done

2006-11-01T21:07:00.000-08:00

Well, at 11:56 pm (it was due by 11:59pm), I submitted my first (and only Canadian) law school application.

It feels ... hectic.

Anyway, now we wait and see how I fare. I should start to submit my US law school applications soon. This is going to be an expensive season. I am going to be very poor for a long time. I guess I will spend about $1000 on applications in total. That is actually not all that bad. Especially since, if I do decide definitely to go to law school, I can drop most of my classes next semester. I will practically be saving money.

But medical school. How you taunt me. Why must you look so appetizing?

Anyway, what have I done in the past few days? Well ...

This weekend I attempted to make it to Azim's halloween party. Went to kerria's house where her, John Bean, Pamela and I drank until far too late and then attempted to run to the bus. We made the last one (although Pam and John disappeared at some point), only to have angry teenage girls cause the bus to stop. Apparently transit and assault do not good bedfellows make.

So, unable to take transit to Azim's and unwilling to pay for a taxi, we tried to climb Science World. Well, I tried to climb Science World. I was unsuccessful. Kerria was able to climb a slide (I was again unsuccessful) so I guess she wins some sort of prize. But I was more ambitious! that has to count for something.

Back to Victoria on Saturday for a quiet night which was interrupted by Tippi and parties. 4 of them. I just wanted to sleep. I didn't even have a costume, but apparently I can put on a safari suit and an early 80's hat and go as ... something. We ended up at a party at the house of the front man for 54:40, where I met with his wife who may have been very friendly or extremely concerned about the sledge hammer that had become part of my costume. The funny part was that, while I was explaining that it was a joke, I only narrowly avoided knocking down a number of plates that were hanging on the wall. Luke from IM was there, and we got to chat, which was very nice. I like Luke. This is what I looked like:

Sunday, I did nothing ... I think. Yeah, nothing.

Monday we went to the haunted house. 2 hours of entertaining line up for 5 minutes of haunted house, haunted by undoubtedly tired ghouls, including a Volcom weaing zombie who, because she was finished for the evening (we were essentially the last group) followed us around the house. The best part: the spinning hallway. A vampire had to repeatedly ask me to leave. It was too much fun falling over when you knew there was no reason. Take that body ... think you are so smart.

Midterm this morning and then law school apps. Now, I am drinking wine, worrying about money and contemplating Cranium. I should probably continue working on apps. Once they are done, I never have to think about them again, and that would be a distinct pleasure.

back by [redacted] request

2006-10-25T09:10:00.000-07:00

what is matthew cooper good for?

and, just for fun, what about Sam.

and Australia!

duck duck duck goose

2006-10-24T09:43:00.000-07:00

So, media abounds here.

I hope you all checked out the cell thing, which was amazing. The walking dealies are dyenins walking along microtubules. It is actually how they work.

And you could see the "icebergs" floating in the membrane sea! history coming alive!

anyway, the brits are great, which I have tried to tell you again and again. Colin sent me this series. Educational and historical.

And nick sent these: Part 1 Part 2.

Yesterday, tippi, vanessa, kersten and I got drunk and then went and photocopied amazing ads and articles from the 1920s to the 1960s to be used as wall decoration. So great. I wish I had a scanner.

Sam: one of them is a picture of a medical school dissection lab (for women med students only) with a number of tables each with 4 students and a cadaver, the students deep in concentration. Unfortunately, the most prominant thing in the photo is a smiling skeleton, right in the forefront and dominating the entire right half of the photo, watching the women doctors. It is hilarious.

And, of course, numerous cigarette (spelled cigaret) ads explaining just how good they are for you.

My potential favorite: biochemistry explained via something that looks suspiciously like Lite-Brite.

cells rule, and other things

2006-10-21T14:35:00.000-07:00

see this.

also, check out the wiki post on Howard Hughes, especially the part about Dummar at the end.

why?

2006-10-19T20:46:00.000-07:00

as I rode home today I passed a mid-aged couple walking their dog wearing reflective vests and carrying a powerful flashlight, which was on. Issue: it was light out. Why?

Why do so many people have problems with the word "definitely?" It is not definately.

Chris and wife had their baby today. Congratulations. I want my cigar.

I wrote a story.

2006-10-15T12:46:00.000-07:00

I think I lied ... I am totally sick of applications.

anyway, I wrote a story. What think you?

He surveyed the landscape below, a reconnaissance scout preceding his unit. His perch was unsteady, the path to it unsound, but he was capable and surefooted.

In the distance, light glinting off the flasks of his companions made obvious their position. Far in the other direction lay their destination, their home. In between, an assortment of perils, a mosaic of uncertainty.

He took it in, the totality of the landscape, committing it to memory, before gingerly descending the sheer cliff face.

Reuniting with his group, he conferred with the commander, who in turn readied the men. They were a proud group, but the brutality of their toils was obvious - clothing barely held together on scarred frames, breath coming raggedly through parched lips on drawn taut faces. Home signified this journey’s end and their arrival could not come quickly enough.

He had not always been the scout. The first scout vanished and, initially, no one was willing to take his place. Nor, really, should they have – the unit was efficient, each man utterly capable in his crucial job. It became obvious, though, as injuries increased and progress slowed, that the unit required a replacement.

After days of deep consideration, he volunteered. It was frightening to leave the unit, however briefly, but that fear had to be conquered. He would never admit to a certain pleasure felt atop a hard-found vantage point.

Readied, the group moved slowly forward, guided past peril, towards the embrace of the home they so greatly longed for.

difficile

2006-10-12T00:18:00.000-07:00

i am hitting that last year rut, one and a half months in to the new year.

oh no!

I assume I will persevere, but wow, working for those 8 months was much more fun. right now, this is a tad tedious. maybe, just maybe, it is being chained to my computer that is annoying. I just can't put my finger on it.

news: i want to make a classical version of sexyback, so I can feel less bad singing it in the shower (note: I must stop listening to BBC dance). which leads me to the belief that I can probably classy anything up so that it is fit for consumption. I will be the richard gere of the everything world.

justice via justices

2006-10-07T15:42:00.000-07:00

For a class, I have been reading some cases that have been sent to the U.S. Supreme Court. What is interesting to read are the dissenting opinions where the justices rip into the court's overall decision. Below is a part of Justice Scalia's dissenting opinion on the Supreme Court's decision to overturn the death sentence imposed on a (allegedly) retarded man convicted of murder.

But the Prize for the Court's Most Feeble Effort to fabricate "national consensus" must go to its appeal (deservedly relegated to a footnote) to the views of assorted professional and religious organizations, members of the so-called "world community," and respondents to opinion polls. Ante, at 11-12, n. 21. I agree with the Chief Jus-tice, ante, at 4-8 (dissenting opinion), that the views of professional and religious organizations and the results of opinion polls are irrelevant.6 Equally irrelevant are the practices of the "world community," whose notions of justice are (thankfully) not always those of our people. "We must never forget that it is a Constitution for the United States of America that we are expounding. ... [W]here there is not first a settled consensus among our own people, the views of other nations, however enlightened the Justices of this Court may think them to be, cannot be imposed upon Americans through the Constitution."

What an ass. Most of his dissent revolves around the development of the national consensus, which he admittedly tears down quite well, but this section and the complete lack of regard he holds for the world community is scary to be seen in a justice of the supreme court. Why throw in that "thankfully"?

oh, to be young again.

2006-10-04T12:44:00.000-07:00

The trades are then a natural home for anyone who would live by his own powers, free not only of deadening abstraction, but also of the insidious hopes and rising insecurities that seem to be endemic in our current economic life. This is the stoic ideal.

So what advice should one give to a young person? By all means, go to college. In fact, approach college in the spirit of craftsmanship, going deep into liberal arts and sciences. In the summers, learn a manual trade. You’re likely to be less damaged, and quite possibly better paid, as an independent tradesman than as a cubicle-dwelling tender of information systems. To heed such advice would require a certain contrarian streak, as it entails rejecting a life course mapped out by others as obligatory and inevitable.

I wish I had seen this a few years ago, like before entering co-op.

ode to wikipedia

2006-10-02T22:19:00.000-07:00

you, sir, are the single greatest invention to come from the internet. even better than skype.

what else is there? I guess the ability to hear music that you would not have the opportunity to hear otherwise is pretty good, but you have to surpress your morals to do so - or make arguments that seem to make sense.

anything else? commercial free television? arts and letters daily? youtube glimpses into the retarded lives of everyone from 12 - 35?

all lose to the amazing collective knowledge, the easily searchable brain, that is wikipedia.

i love you wikipedia.

invasion of the body snatchers

2006-09-27T20:15:00.001-07:00

As I was riding today I caught the smell of something which was either rotting garbage or microwave popcorn and it scares me that I couldn't figure it out.

this week in sports

2006-09-19T21:39:00.000-07:00

man, has it only been 15 days? Crazy.

Biology and biochemistry are fascinating. I love knowing how the body works. And I get to pull out my Merck Manual at every possible occasion. It is pretty exciting.

The house noah found feels right. It is confortable and cozy. There is a fireplace, which I love so much, and harmony called it "a grownup house." Yes, I suppose it is.

The first weekend here I went back to Vancouver. I have promised myself that I will take advantage of the outdoors. Everytime I head out east I miss the wilderness but take it for granted here. No more. Friday night I went dancing with andrea, who really should not move to Winnipeg, and Saturday went hiking with Azim and Nick. We drove up to Truax mountain, asked directions from a mountain man who warned us of his recent encounter with a charging mother grizzley, and psuedo-hiked. We had great expectations, but our trip coordinator was a tad ambitious - as we walked into the valley, we realised that the peak we wanted to reach was disappearing into the clouds. And that the clouds were high. Still, the hiking we did was amazingly gorgeous, culiminating in a camping spot in a meadow between two massive rocky crags. I would have loved to have stayed longer. I am going to use my tent frequently here. Juan de fuca trail in mid october is an almost definite hiking trip if anybody is interested.

Then I made my acting debut, which I may have mentioned earlier. Tippi, adeline and co. made a music video as part of a cinevic competition and needed us to act as silhouettes. They built a street entirely from photos and did a stop motion video of people dying in a variety of ways. I choked to death and, as the driver of the world, threw myself into the cogs. pretty melodramatic. Anyway, the screening was last night and they won all the awards. It was hot.

This weekend was my weekend to finally see people that I hadn't seen in a while, which I did with vigor and candor. Saw Jenna off to India. She says she is only going for 3 months. hmmm. It was also the weekend of applications. Who knew that explaining yourself in 2 pages could be so freaking difficult?

Got a coveted volunteer position as a T.A. for disadvantaged youths and adults in the University 101 program. It is a real university course load, taught by profs., but directed towards the above persons in an attempt to help them into the university system. It was what I wanted to do with Students for Literacy before I got called away to Montreal, so I am pretty excited to be involved. I am much more interested in helping older people than I am with helping children. I am not sure why. But it was a nerve wracking interview. I am still not completely sure I am up to it, but we will give it a go. Also volunteering in the E.R. which sounds cooler than it is.

have I mentioned skype. I just talked to shuana for almost an hour, for free, from Taiwan. I want to talk to all of you for almost an hour, for free, from wherever.

oh yeah ... sports.

skype

2006-09-19T21:07:00.000-07:00

seriously, everybody needs to get onto skype and email me their names.

email to spamspamspamspam_2@hotmail.com or to my regular email address if you know it.

do it. I love it.

or you can just add me: ouchitburns

criminal system does not equal a game

2006-09-16T17:37:00.000-07:00

The US, at least in some states, has a "three strikes and you're out" policy. Not only is it demeaning to everyone to have your legal system apply ridiculous baseball related punishments, it also is completely inflexible which leads to retardedly disproportionate punishments.

For example, Santos Reid, is likely going to jail for 26 year to life because he did the written part of the driver's licence test for someone else, stole a radio from his sister's friend (in 1981) and robbed a guy at knifepoint (in 1987 - which he says is untrue). 26 years!?

I understand the underlying philosophy. Clean up the little stuff and you clean up the big stuff. Similar things were done in New York (like consistenly cleaning up graffiti and coming down hard on fare avoidance) to good effect, but putting people in jail for 26 years for taking the written part of a driver's licence test for somebody else. It is grossly inefficient and completely unhelpful.

people doing things

2006-09-13T22:22:00.000-07:00

adeline is doing good things. Support her if you are in Vancouver.

noah's band is good. Listen.

nika got her shoe store up in Montreal.

Pat's record label (the one he works with) is still doing good things.

Adam and Tyler play in this wicked band.

Elfred and Marissa are going for gold.

that is all for now. Support these people. endeavours rule. This all stemmed from Adeline, and the amazingness that is that, and then I remembered that all these other people are doing things.

I kinda wish I could list what everybody is doing, but these are some of ones that we can support. I guess we could help Azim with his thesis ... I am pretty sure I can contribute to graduate level psychology research.

yeah

2006-09-08T14:49:00.000-07:00

told you so

life rules

2006-09-08T14:33:00.000-07:00

Well after 9/11, Tom Junod a writer from Esquire magazine contacted the coroner's office in New York and asked for a count of how many people jumped. He was told that nobody jumped. The official word was that victims were blown out or they were forced out, but nobody jumped.

-CBC

point / counterpoint

2006-09-07T22:28:00.000-07:00

from here:

There’s no point investing in a business because the government will not protect you against thieves. (So you might as well become a thief yourself.) There’s no point in paying your phone bill because no court can make you pay. (So there’s no point being a phone company.) There’s no point setting up an import business because the customs officers will be the ones to benefit. (So the customs office is under-funded and looks even harder for bribes.) There’s no point getting an education because jobs are not awarded on merit. (And you can’t borrow money for school fees because the bank can’t collect on the loan.)

This seems pretty obvious. Further in the article, though, is this:

Give a man the secure possession of a bleak rock, and he will turn it into a garden; give him a nine years' lease of a garden, and he will convert it into a desert… The magic of property turns sand into gold. Arthur Young, 1788

Same basic idea: property rights, and thereby some semblance of lawfulness, will allow growth. But africa is already suffering agriculturally (and is expected to fare even worse in the future). So, is it fair to say that improving the political world will be enough to help the situation?

What seems pretty clear to me is that the "ground" approach is not working. The following may be hyperbolic but there must be some truth to it:

And when he finds all the books in a once useful library have been stolen, and it is now “a black hole of ignorance and plunder”, a young visitor from Scotland, keen to do good wherever good can be done, says defensively that there’s “a serious money shortage.”

But that’s not the point. What is missing at the Soche School has to do with attitude and morale. What is lacking is work and care. “How much does a broom cost?” Theroux asks. “The students could sweep this place and cut the grass. I don’t think it’s a money problem. I think it’s more serious. No one cares. You’re here from Scotland to do the work, and you’re willing, so why should anyone help?” A deep dependency has taken root. The prevailing attitude is that if someone will come all the way from Scotland to sweep the floor, why not let them?

I thought I wanted to volunteer in Africa but sometimes I wonder. It has got to be helpful to everybody and not just to me. I don't want some masturbatory trip, a resume padding excursion. But maybe this is my renaissance thing acting up. The desire to step back and step up. Maybe just being there is helpful enough. I need to talk to someone who has been a recipient of aid and not people who gave the aid. Although these comments sure are inspiring:

It was truely an amazing experience and I feel very fortunate that I could be a part of it. Thank you again for all your help in preparing for departure and for giving me the opportunity to go.
Douglas Murray, Nova Scotia, Canada

I had a great time in Tanzania. Thanks for all of your help.
William Girardo, Washington DC, USA

Just want to say a big thank you for the opportunity you gave me, it was an amazing experience and one that I will never forget.
Gary Wilson, Leicestershire, England
Thank you so much for this opportunity, I learnt a lot about myself and fulfilled a dream.
Peter Larter, Melbourne, Australia

I just wanted to let you that I had, hands down, the best, most incredible elightening and wonderful time in Tanzania. It changed my life, truly. I consider myself incredibly fortunate for having the opportunity to experience all that I did.
Anna Wirth, Texas, USA

I cannot begin to explain what a fantastic time I had in Singida especially the people in the village and am sure I've made some lifelong friends both from the village and with other volunteers.
David Bacon, Belfast, Northern Ireland

Just want to thank you for the amazing opportunity that VA has given me in the last few months. I can't really commend you guys more, There is really nothing that I would change about the whole trip.
David Hutchinson, Ontario, Canada

Thank you for the best 3 months of my life!
Sally Orwin, Derbyshire, England

It certainly does not feel like a whole year ago we were in Tanzania climbing Kilimanjaro and having the best time I have ever had in my life.
Natasha Leith, Co Leith, Ireland

I did have an amazing time and am thankful for the opportunity that Volunteer Africa and HAPA has provided.
Keely McKinzie, Los Angeles, USA

I had such an awesome time in Singida. It was so great to be there...I had the best time ever and I would love to work more with Volunteer Africa in the future
May Britt Kristensen, Oslo, Norway

I had a fantastic time, would recommend it to anyone, and travelling afterwards was great fun.
Alec Pattinson, Northumberland, England

oh yeah

2006-09-06T21:53:00.000-07:00

250-884-2973

queens etc.

2006-09-06T21:47:00.000-07:00

victoria is fun ... who knew?

I expected to be bored shitless, but I have been having so much fun.

School is interesting and my time off is filled with beer commercials and music video making and interesting (mostly drunk) people.

I will soon run out of money. That is a small concern.

The people who live below me seem like they might be friend worthy. Their apartment is so freaking cozy it is almost womb-like. And I have not met such inviting people. But they have the movie Jury Duty ... what do I do?

what is montreal? gone three days and already moving on.

faketasticy

2006-08-26T15:43:00.000-07:00

you know who look like they are having a lot of fun?

people in pictures.

bent science

2006-08-26T13:25:00.000-07:00

I found a great site today for quick elucidation of sometimes complex ideas.

For example, read the following:

----------------------------------------

Pol III, the main DNA replication enzyme, cannot work in the 5' - 3' direction, and so replication of the lagging strand is more complicated than of the leading strand. On the leading strand, Pol III "reads" the DNA and adds nucleotides to it continuously.

On the lagging strand, primase "reads" the DNA and adds RNA to it in short bursts. Pol III lengthens the bursts, forming Okazaki fragments. Pol I then "reads" the fragments, removes the RNA, and adds its own nucleotides (this is necessary because RNA and DNA use slightly different kinds of nucleotides). DNA ligase joins the fragments together.

----------------------------------------

make sense? probably not

okay, now try this:

www.maxanim.com

sorry for all the science-talk. I got exams soon. I got biochemistry on the brain.

big things in little packages

2006-08-25T21:03:00.001-07:00

last day at the job and, as a present, they gave us all copies of the Merck Manual.

It is the new edition. It has bible-esque pages (you know, the really thin pages .... bible-esque) which I assume is important.

What is the Merck Manual? Only the greatest book I have ever received.

Let's flip to a random page:

p934 (Dermatologic Disorders): Did you know that Pruritus (itching) can be a symptom of primary skin disease or of systemic disease? How about the fact that skin diseases notorious for causing intense pruritus include scabies, pediculosis, insect bites, urticaria, atopic and contact dermatitis, lichen planus, miliaria and dematitis herpetiformis?

new page:

p1836 (Neurologic Disorders): Use of hypnotics in sleep disorders. Hypnotics act at the benzodiazepine recognition site of the gamma-aminobutryic acid (GABA) receptor and augment the inhibitory effects of GABA. Hypnotics should be used cautiously in patients with pulmonary insufficiency. In the elderly, any hypnotic, even in small doses can cause restlessness, excitement, or exacerbation of delerium and dementia.

awesome ... 2991 pages of medical diagnosis. With a small bible-esque font.

by the by, GABA is one of the brain's major inhibitory neurotransmitters and is formed from glutamate in a one step process. It looks like this:

HOOC-CH2-CH2-CH2-NH2

Except in physiological conditions the carboxylate is deprotonated and the amine is protonated. Just like most amino acids. Glutamate (or glutamic acid) has the basic amino acid back bone with a propionic acid side chain.

This is pretty basic for a lot of you, but for me ... pure fascination.

imagery for the chemically inclined

2006-08-22T19:04:00.000-07:00

Integral proteins are like icebergs floating in a lipid bilayer sea.

sad part? I love it.

in the midnight hour

2006-08-20T15:56:00.000-07:00

hosting things is a lot of fun.

Last night I hosted my own good-bye / cristal's b-day bash. I purchased a 100 bucks of booze and mix, made a great dancing CD, advised the downstairs neighbours that they would not be able to sleep and prepared to party ... kinda ...

When the first people arrived ( Shane and a few of his friends ) at 10 o'clock I was just waking up from a nap and was stumbling out of my room wearing just my boxers. It was classic. Shane already equates me with the art set ( I am certainly far from any art set, but with him being in finance, anything not in finance is part of said set ) so he was probably a tad hesitant to bring his finance friends to an "art" party. And then they walked into an almost empty house, the only guest a half-naked, bleary-eyed man.

I love montreal for the late starts. I love that I could nap until 9:30 and be pretty confident that no one would arrive.

It was just Shane et al. and me and the roomies for another hour or so, so we talked about law school and MBAs and things of that nature. Just getting it out of our system.

And then the people arrived and it was fantastic. I got to DJ. I got to wear a suit and rollerskates. This morning was a tad rough.

Montreal is cooling down. The amazing heat only comes in spurts now and it gets dark early. Hibernation already? It is only late august .... you have to move like a hummingbird here to enjoy it. Move fast, see everything, consume entertainment like nourishing fat reserves, build up stories to dream about in the dark depths of winter. So cold, but remember how fun summer is? Survive winter for summer.

I listen to BBC dance music occasionally and one of their tag lines is "we're living for the weekend." They even have a weekend countdown timer on the website. Isn't that depressing? Poor britain. Poor brits. Maybe just poor "brits who like BBC radio 1."

The sneaking into ballet was great. It was free and in the park, but we arrived late and the stage was at capacity so they wouldn't let us in. So we snuck in. The best part, besides the ballet (which was contemporary - think stretchy jeans and thrusting as opposed to tutus and nutcrackers), were the people who saw and said "you realise that it is free?" and we replied that we knew and didn't elaborate. I assume they still think about us.

I got to see mr manes briefly in Montreal which was, as always, a great pleasure. Him and his girl are off to do great things in Burma and I am jealous and excited. They are going to do stuff in burma ... good stuff ... stuff I would be incredibly happy to do. And they are going to law school ... you see? See!!!

I was having a discussion with my boss about all the wrongs in the world ( he strongly disagrees with law school and is not afraid to tell me but he is going to introduce me to his environmental lawyer friends who love what they do (which is sue American companies that think they can use NAFTA to pollute Canada and Mexico)) and he started to tell me about a project he was interested in: providing nitrogen fixing rice to impoverished nations and this struck me as something I could get behind. Raising money to provide beneficial rice is immediate and needed. I am going to look into this. Anyone know more about this?

He also raised an interesting point about intense poverty being a trick to survival in a place where people want what you have and are not afraid to take it. This is Hobbes in action. I need to read Guns, Germs and Steel again.

Out of here on the 4th. Attempts to get to burning man have failed. There is no time and I still haven't been to the architecture museum here. God.

crisse

2006-08-11T17:14:00.000-07:00

serious apologies to anyone who checks this with any regularity. I am afraid that I will have to win you back.

I am writing this while standing next to the window, desperatly trying to soak up the internet's basking rays.

That is part of the reason I haven't posted. The other is summer.

I will write more when summer and montreal and fun are over. I assume this is irony.

Life for the past month has been relatively simple: work and class and paper writing and sneaking into ballet and new friends and all that associated shit.

I don't want to leave but, for the sake of the future, I just must.

I will probably live with Noah in Victoria, assuming he finds a good place. If not, I am thinking about finally living on my own. A boy has got to strike out on his lonesome eventually.

Victoria. Blah. Although the wedding was great and I do miss tippi and chris. It will be fine. Not exciting, but fine. I am going to get my outdoors on. And maybe some of your more musically inclined folk will help me to put together a weekly night of dancing. I am going to miss dancing.

pictures of me not dying

2006-07-03T19:44:00.000-07:00

I didn't die!

2006-07-03T19:26:00.000-07:00

I finally got to see buck 65 again and it was amazing.

I used to have this issue with concerts. I disliked them, mainly because I always felt (1) kinda jealous of the musicians and (2) like I could be doing something better. But I have changed in Montreal - now I really enjoy shows.

Buck 65 shows fill me with joy. Although he is getting too popular. His thing was intimacy, he is a story teller where story tellers seem rare. Sure, musical lyrics tell stories, but at the first show of his I saw, in Victoria and at a tiny bar, he spent as much time telling stories as he did singing songs. And I really liked that. Most of the concerts I have seen involve an artist using his/her music to tell a story but never actually talking to the audience. And while Buck talked a fair amount at the latest show, he was more aloof, likely because the audience was much larger and he is much more famous. It might be hard to reveal truths when lithe and half naked girls are holding up "I would fuck for Buck" posters (which he took with him).

The point of this is that I need a story teller in my life. Maybe a saturday night story telling party.

Camping on St. Jean-Baptiste was not scary at all! Although I didn't talk very much. Although it started somewhat inauspiciously. The night before, I had had a dream where I was wearing a canadian flag by accident at the camp and it was going to get me in trouble (as you may note, I was actually a little worried about this trip). So when I got dressed and packed on friday morning, I tried to be careful of what I packed.

When I got to work I noticed that the shirt I was wearing was red and white. Ooops, I thought, this is a bit too canadian flag like. But I wasn't too worried. Still, I told my Quebequois workmate what I had noticed and how I thought it was funny. "That is funny," he said, "but it is more funny that the shirt has a maple leaf on it."

Shit. I suck. I didn't change and I did honk "Oh Canada" as we pulled into the campsite. The frenchies thought it was some new pop song. And, after all that, I didn't get beat up. Woot.

I did get eaten alive by massive bugs, and we had a small leech scare, and I was burnt to a crisp and I was totally malnourished (having only eaten chips and instant noodles for the whole weekend), but I was alive! I launched off fire works for Jean-Baptiste and barely noticed Canada day. I am becoming a true Quebecor. Fuck you English canada.

Montreal kicks ass in the relaxing/partying catagory. I have mentioned tam-tams, and today hanging out in the park I realised all french boys are sinewy individuals who play frisbee with incredible agression (they cheer when they make a good catch) and spend a good chunk (possibly all) of their time flipping and doing hand-stands and some sort of psuedo-campiori (shane thinks they can do these aerial feats because they are all unemployed and that they are sinewy because they can't afford food, but, you know, shane). But I experienced some relaxing/partying which is a little bit more me.

Picnik Electronique. They take over an entire park and set up huge speakers and have an all day dance party for the folks who leave the all night clubs. The park is gorgeous and situated on the banks of the St. Laurence. Now, the vast majority of the participants are a little strung out, and the gay men, of which there are may, have the naked gay man problems (whereby, if you are a gay man you must remove your t-shirt and dance until you are sweaty and smell bad) but it was still a lot of fun. There are enough normals (and this includes all the gay people who don't feel the need to remove their shirts and sweat) to make it great. Of course, Eric, Isabelle and I spent a good proportion of the event down by the river poking a dead fish (actually that was all Isabelle) and looking for fossils (also Isabelle) and trying splash each other with dead fish water (mainly me, but ultimately all of us).

LSAT came back. Don't worry. I did fine.

Also, I caved and purchased a cell phone. Call me. 514-814-5758. I haven't got a message system set up (I am cheap so this whole process is going to take time) so just call a lot.

bike structure!

2006-06-20T16:01:00.000-07:00

back once again with the ill behaviour

2006-06-20T08:35:00.001-07:00

okay, I can do this now.

recap:

I went back to Victoria for a wedding on the 26th of May, which was absolutely gorgeous. Chris and Christina were both extremely pretty. So pretty. There was dancing afterwards which fit the ultimate wedding cliche: old people dancing with young people, little kids dancing on the feet of ... tippi. Tippi loved that shit. I had to stare at the ceiling to avoid getting teary-eyed during the ceremony. I am such a wuss.

The next day, we spent the day eating and hanging out at the beach before a surprising dangerous fireball bottle fight at an airport construction lot saw me off. Destination: Halifax.

Yep, I flew from Montreal to Victoria for the wedding and then victoria to halifax for a chemistry conference, where I was presenting a poster on some work I have been doing.

The conference was huge and 95% of it was over my head. I went to some of the medicinal chemistry talks and chemical energy talks but they were extremely specialized. Also, my goal in life is to design an enzyme that can turn a washing machine in a landfill into food. It would look like pacman. like this:

One giant washing machine eating enzyme. I really shouldn't be a scientist.

Halfaxians are really, really nice. It is a town similar to Victoria, but I think Victoria is nicer. What Halifax does have is Dalhoisie, which is a gorgeous university. UVic is so freaking ugly. Oh well.

Then back to Montreal to start preparing for the LSAT. The LSAT is hard. That is all.

Come the end of the LSAT, I did as promised and reintroduced the party.

This weekend, montreal really showed itself. Fringefest was in town and while I am not a huge fan of the plays, there was plenty of associated free music, which I like.

So there was, just this weekend, FringeFest, the french music festival, the symphony of fire, plus tam-tams, world cup and stanley cup. I am loving world cup because of all the soccer everywhere. you leave your house in shorts and you will find yourself in game. I pretty much play everyday.

An impromptu game started on the blocked off street of St. Laurent (a major bar lined street in Montreal which gets shut down to traffic periodically and totally comes alive. Towns desperately need major pedestrian only streets) which started to get a little crazy. I wasn't involved although I thought it was great. That being said, the second time a ball knocked beer off our table, one of our tablemates chucked the ball down the road. Only a police blockade stopped the thrower (and the rest of us, cause we were all laughing hysterically) from getting attacked by the soccer players. Good ol' montreal.

I had avoided Tam Tams for my time here, just cause I still struggle with people just spending there whole day relaxing and having fun. But Shane LP and I went up to play a little soccer and, actually, it was pretty great. Hours and hours of drum circles, pot and dancing. If that doesn't hold your fancy, you can find pickup games of soccer, ultimate or football, or you can watch the amazing campiori fighter/dancers or wander into the woods and watch the quebequois medieval fighters, some of them in full armor (where does one even buy full armor), beat the shit out of each other with swords. The guys with full armor are freaking intense. I can barely walk around in shorts and a t-shirt. These guys fight for hours in a metal suit. Hats off. I will definitely be spending more time there.

Last night we watched the disappointing final, but whatever. I only wanted the team to win because it would have made the town come even more alive. That and I would have gotten a testosterone boost, which I think we all want. The best part of last night was the bike structures. There were 11 of us, all with bikes and we went bombing around town, like a large gang, and at each bar we stopped at we stacked the bikes. We got them pretty high. I just like that it happened. we were all more excited about the bike structures than anything else. We hardly drank at the bars, we just wanted to go biking again.

Next weekend is Jean-Baptiste. I am going to go camping and, according to the francaphone friends who are taking me, I will be one of the few anglophones and that I need to be just a little careful not to piss people off. All I do is piss people off. So, yeah, I might die this weekend! That being said, there is a party this weekend which costs $4.00 but you get a pair of vintage underwear at the door. The first floor is a normal party. The second floor, though, one can only go if one is only wearing the vintage underwear. I love nakedness. I love camping. What should I do?

don't forget that I am incredibly hairy.

how are all y'all?

hey

2006-06-15T18:05:00.000-07:00

I am on the interweb. Bask in my glory.

this is it

2006-06-06T17:29:00.000-07:00

after how ever many days, this is all I have for you:

the highest level female tennis players wear long dangly earrings while competing for ultimate glory. You can check this out in your local newspaper's sports section.

This strikes me as being somewhat fucked up.

okay, back to studying.

Jun 13th. party.

inevitable

2006-05-20T08:10:00.000-07:00

things have slowed down a little here, but that is not unexpected.

there are two reasons for this:

primarily, it has been raining non stop for a week. Who knew that was possible? I though the east was constant sun in the summer. I feel like someone lied to me.

secondarily, I really have to face up to my responsibilities:

In the next 3 weeks I have a wedding in Victoria, a conference in Halifax, a doctor's appointment in Waterloo and an LSAT to write.

So, you know I gotta prepare for all that.

in fact, I think I may be scarse until June 13th. Then, I can reintroduce the party.

dogs

2006-05-09T22:30:00.000-07:00

whoo doggy, where to begin ...

so, this place is awesome. that must preface everything.

it is gorgeous, everybody is happy, every single girl is good looking and most of the guys are good looking. bi-sexuality seems more appealing with each passing day.

my home is amazing. my cooking has improved exponentially.

work is interesting.

life is just ... you know, good.

adventures:

a) Concertland.

good lord, clubs and concerts here are good. I found my bar ... it is a purely french place which serves $2.50 shots of tequila and turns into a clothing store by day. Marissa (not negin: it was late when I wrote this and I was very drunk) and I danced there. we had fun.

I saw Japanther a few days ago and it was good. I just got back from Duchess Says. Jesus fuck. seriously. fuck jesus. that was good. energy is seriously underrated. Doug has a good thing going on. SLUM records is, most likely, going places.

b) bikingland.

so I decided that, rather than taking transit for an hour and a half, I would bike the 35 km to work. All went well the first day. The ride is beautiful (if long) and I found myself surprising capable of riding 70km a day. well, that is a little untrue. I could not make the last 5 km yesterday and had to eat three slices of pizze to regain balance. but otherwise good.

today ... today sucked.

I blew a tire, not unexpectedly, with all the glass and potholes, but I was retardedly unprepared. I tried riding on a busted tire. That sucked. So I walked. I found a depanneur, got a bunch of wildcat, got drunk and kept walking. I tried riding again. A mix of alcohol and grass made it seem okay. I haven't actually looked at my front tire yet. But the rides were short lived. Riding a street bike on grass with a flat tire while drunk is hard. really really hard.

I walked and walked and walked. I starting yelling at nobody in particular. Old ladies looked at me funny.

I found a store that sold more beer and bought a six pack. During flirtations with the cashier I found out that there was a metro near by and that bikes were allowed on. Victory. I was going to duchess says! (if I had had to walk, which I assumed I would, it would have taken me another 2 hours to get home. as it was I did not arrive until 10:30).

I got come, drank on of the six pack, watched some Casanova and headed to the club. As I attempted to pay, the guy closed the money box and walked away. so, it seems that the night was free. To make amends I bought a cd.

c) myhouseland

I lucked out. my roomates rule. the boyfriend of marie, the parisian, just got a place with a 2500 square foot backyard. If they make me leave I will cut myself.

sleep now.

goodnight moon.

merde

2006-05-02T20:43:00.000-07:00

that's right, I am in montreal now.

not much time at the moment, but I thought I would share a bit of my new life.

My apartment, which is gorgeous, is centered on a massive stainless steel cooking space (it ain't your father's table). So, you know, I cook now.

I got off the metro, picked up some fresh veggies, came up to the apartment to an offer of an espresso by this parisian girl who lives here, poured a little white wine, made my own version of pad thai, wandered over to a friend's place to watch the canadiens lose, came back, am doing a bit of work and am waiting for mercedes to come over for a beer.

i can't believe I have only been here three days. it kinda feels like home.

they have both a med and a law school here. why would I leave? except the brutal cold.

the beta band

2006-04-27T09:10:00.001-07:00

I don't necessarily want to repost repeatedly from metafilter but I thought, given the ideas in the last post, that I would share this.

Fear of the word 'nuclear' is a big problem. It shouldn't be. Nuclear is a great word.

"Waste" is a pretty bad word, but research is all that is needed.

We must be able to use the waste productively. It is what we do. Find uses for stuff.

it's a whale fish

2006-04-25T18:00:00.000-07:00

The Tyee, which I thought was solely an election blog, is actually not.

I looked at it today and found this article: 100 Mile Diet.

Premise, if you don't wish to read the article, is that the authors, a couple (I think) from Vancouver decided to only eat food grown in a 100 mile radius from their house. It was tough at times, but they got through it.

The main reason for this? Fossil fuel consumption. Eating foods grown miles away from you causes a large amount of pollution to be emitted by the trucks, trains and boats transporting the food. Okay, sounds good.

An important question, the question one always must ask, is what happens when everyone does it? It is all fine and dandy to have your own little project, to make a point (and it is a very good point), but I believe that it is untenable for the population at large if we maintain a need to have all of our food made for us.

Okay, so the problem is cost. We want the cheapest food possible. With economies of scale as they are, the cheapest food is often going to come from far away. With economies of scale, it is always going to be cheaper to have someone else produce your food than produce it yourself.

Cost is, in fact, always the problem. The 100 mile rule could be used for almost everything, but the economies of scale for electronics and furniture is huge. The problem is that the economies of scale for food is probably about the same. On the 100 mile diet blog they say that costs did skyrocket. And they hadn’t yet had to deal with the incredible demand put on the farmers that would ensue if we all chose to buy locally.

So, what is the problem? Our desire to be happy and the fact that this desire is so closely related to what we have/own. As much as people like to bandy about the idea that friends and family are the most important things a person can have (and that is true), it does not take into account the strain on said relationships that can result from needing to overwork, which is a very real problem if you remove economies of scale. (Although I have read recently that the high divorce rate now is related to the fact that people are so privileged now that they expect a happy marriage as opposed to the supportive marriage that existed up until most recently – with that in mind, family may become better when people have less because there will be more mutual (and necessary) support)

We can try to buy more locally, yes, (we can develop small economies of scale) but ultimately we need to develop better transportation methods, better fuels and better energy sources. While two young and unencumbered people may be able to do the 100 mile diet, I don’t think it tenable for the entire population.

I think food is much too cheap (most things are much too cheap) so it may be the case that, when true costs (i.e. the human suffering costs I referred to a few posts ago) are taken into account, that locally grown foods are more beneficial. Although I still think that, even if prices increased to allow foreign farmers (and all producers) a fair return, it will still be overall beneficial to have a world market. So, alternative energy is the key and maintaining a world market.

One thing I liked from the blog was this:

“A friend of ours has a theory that a night spent making jam–or in his case, perogies–with friends will always be better a time than the latest Hollywood blockbuster. We’re convinced.”

I am convinced too. Stupid movies. Although I finally bought The Wrong Guy. I think a few of my friends and I have definitely bonded over that.

I think I just experienced something of religious proportions.

i love it when people move

2006-04-22T10:09:00.001-07:00

last night was semi-debaucherous.

jungle theme keg party at the paper tree.

I picked up a fake fur coat and a lion toy. As I was tearing apart the toy to make myself a mask I discovered electronics. The thing was wired. It played music (jungle music) and roared while moving its mouth. I was the king of the party. I assume.

I also scored sweet roller skates. montreal a go go.

today is the day

2006-04-19T10:02:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Natalie!

In honour, I ate indian food. my tummy kinda hurts.

terrible prejudice

2006-04-18T19:14:00.000-07:00

wow, did I underestimate myspace.

I considered it a disgusting cesspit, where pre-teens went to hide away all their scavenged animated gifs and emo music, where shitty bands went to harp about their unoriginal audio excrement, where 33 year old perverts grasping on to their fading youth went to chat up anything younger.

to some extent this is all probably true, but what I failed to see were the good parts.

as I perused this afternoon, I took the following path (myspace name in brackets):

myself (immutabler) > mercedes (mercedesisawesome) > raf (raf_is_awesome) > some unknown (massinha). It was at this last "space" where I found out about a launch party at club lambi (on St. Laurent).

Why is this important?

because my only goal in montreal is to go to as many art shows / magazine launches / product lauches as possible.

I don't want to pay for one drink in montreal. I want all of my alcohol, for 4 straight months, to be paid for by someone else.

And myspace is going to make this happen. I owe myspace a (free) drink and an apology.

oh yeah.

2006-04-16T16:53:00.000-07:00

so, when I was much younger, I had a small problem with really bad music taste ...

anyway, as I was going through some friends' myspace sites I found something posted by papat: an Aqua video.

I thought I would share also.

don't say I never do anything for you.

edit: godfre brings up a good point. I do like centipede now. don't listen to it. just know it exists.

edit2: fuck that, listen to it. All seven are here.

and now for something completely different ...

2006-04-13T17:41:00.001-07:00

Dogging:

"Dogging is a predominantly British activity that involves outdoor exhibitionism in car-parks, wooded areas and the like. The term dogging originated in the early Seventies to describe men who spied on couples having sex outdoors. These men would 'dog' the couples' every move in an effort to watch them. When the swinging scene discovered that open-air sex has its own special thrill they began meeting in car-parks, and the doggers found a new and rich supply of voyeuristic fun. Moreover, the doggers soon realised that these couples were actively encouraging them to watch, even performing for them, and sometimes allowing them to join in."

Those crazy brits. Let's emulate perverts!

from the faqs:

"If you went to a nature area or car park and found it fenced off, it's likely a response to too much dogging activity in that area, causing complaints about noise, traffic, trash and general naughtiness."

oh, that's the reason. too much trash.

where art thou?

2006-04-10T22:11:00.000-07:00

So, a while back, I went to a presentation by one Romeo Dallaire who was the commander of the UN force in Rwanda.

Wikipedia says "His actions are credited with directly saving the lives of 20,000 Tutsis. There is speculation that Dallaire's forces deliberately sabotaged equipment to slow their UN-mandated withdrawal from the combat zone."

Wikipedia also says "At home, Dallaire was medically released from the Canadian Armed Forces on April 22, 2000, suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. At the time of his retirement he held the rank of lieutenant-general. Blaming himself for the failures of the mission, he began a spiral into depression, culminating on June 20, 2000, when he was rushed to hospital after being found under a park bench in Hull, Quebec. He was intoxicated and suffering from a reaction with his prescription anti-depressants, and the mixture almost put him into a coma."

When he came to talk to us, we had heard that his previous speeches were extremely emotions and that he was going to tone it down. We had heard almost correctly. The basic speech was one on leadership and was relatively basic. But it was during his frequent anecdotes, exclusively introduced with “let me give you an example,” that were the most shocking.

The two that I remember best:

The Rwandan army was recruiting children to fight. A UN army troop came across a church which, surprising, held a number of living tutsis. As the army went into the church to rescue the survivors, a number of child fighters appeared and opened fire. The commander had to decide then and there whether to order his soldiers to return fire. He did.

Dallaire used this story as an example for planning ahead. Like, the commander should already have known that he might encounter child soldiers and should have known whether to fire back or not. He should not have been making that decision on the field. Okay, that is a pretty heavy example for planning ahead.

The second story was also about planning ahead. Apparently, rape is used as an act of war, more to intimidate the opposing side than to get any pleasure. After raping whole villages the women, usually dead but sometimes barely alive, would be thrown into pits. Occasionaly, UN troops would come across these pits and find the dead and dying women. The first time it happened, the commander had to radio back to Dallaire to ask whether the soldiers should just move along (the women were going to die regardless) or to jump in the whole and comfort the women as they died. The HIV rate is incredibly high and the soldiers would be putting themselves at very high risk of exposure by jumping in the pit.

Dallaire said before he could make a decision, the commander called back to say it was inconsequential because the Canadian soldiers had already jumped in (afterwards, Dallaire asked all the commanders of the countries that had sent troops to Rwanda – all said that they would just move on except Canada, the Netherlands and Guyana.)

Those were the anecdotes. Now for analysis:

It was obviously terrible over there. The UN tried to help (Dallaire did not blame the UN in his speech, in fact he specifically removed blame from them - he blamed countries for not sending their mandated troops and mainly the US) but public opinion was not pro-intervention (because of Somalia).

What this comes down to, according to Dallaire said, is feelings of relative worth. As crazy as it seems, 900,000 foreigners may not be worth, according to public opinions, the lives of a few of your own citizens.

In fact, from wikipedia:

“Dallaire ordered ten Belgian soldiers (whom he considered his best men) to protect the new prime minister, Agathe Uwilingiyimana. The soldiers were intercepted by Hutu extremists and taken hostage, after which Madame Agathe and her husband were killed. Later that day, the Belgian soldiers were found brutally murdered. Belgium was outraged that Dallaire had put its soldiers in such danger, and promptly withdrew its forces.”

Belgium withdrew its forces?

This is a really important topic, because this relative worth thing comes up constantly. The excess of energy we use, the toxic waste we ship to china, the farmed food we consume. All of it makes our lives a little better and make the lives of foreigners and the lives of our future generations (pseudo-foreigners – they don’t live here yet) much worse. This is not as immediately drastic as not sending troops to save lives, but it will have the same effect.

The more passive murder we can work on, and hopefully will, although I certainly like my creature comforts. The more active murder we have to deal with.

My friend Jon Cooper writes in his blog, “We are failing the “Rwanda Test”. In response to well-documented ethnic cleansing, resulting in massive human suffering and mortality, the response of the UN and the international community has been appallingly, comprehensively impotent. The AU Peace and Security Council has the “The preparedness of the Government the Sudan to accept the deployment of a UN operation in Darfur” as its first condition for a UN deployment. Given the active role of Omar Bashir’s government in instigating and perpetuating the massacre, it is unlikely this condition can be met any time soon.”

He also writes, “Even as thousands die every day, we bow to sovereignty.” He thinks, and perhaps rightly so, that this is more a policy thing, a problem dictated by laws and mandates. I think it is much worse. I think that our inability to care about those not directly linked to us is going to be our downfall. This is all economics. Externalities are not being taking into account. The suffering of other people is a big fucking externality.

Read Jon’s post.

oh my god.

2006-04-07T17:49:00.000-07:00

in honour of some of my intrepid friends:

worms in some guy's colon.

oh god, why?

nyp1

2006-04-03T19:58:00.000-07:00

it is very early monday morning and I am sitting in the toronto bus terminal after just having a long conversation with a older irish homeless drug addict who would not admit that he was not going back to ireland as soon as he got his passport from ottawa. I am somewhat confused as to whether he is in denial or has his story down so well that it just feels wrong to deviate from it. He was intelligent and obviously missed ireland. i wonder how he ended up here.

last night I was in NY. Nicholls and I planned a mini-vacation and met up. We could not have picked a better weekend. The sun was out and the weather was gorgeous the entire weekend (well, except for one rained-out patio breakfast which, in all fairness, we were willing to endure). We stayed at Sahm's place on an amazing street called St. Mark's. It was so quintessentially community. We would sit outside on the fire escape, basking in the sun, and just watch the multitude of people and types do their thing.

It was a high school reunion with Colin, Mike, Francey, Sahm and I (and both Dan Otero and Gilbert Nye were on the cell phone at some point in the weekend). It is relatively unusual to have such a close high school clase, I think. Most people seemed to have hated high school.

So, what did we do? It can be summed up succinctly with the word consumption. We ate and drank a lot. Colin noted that ovens in NY are usually used for storage.

Friday's festivities started out at 3:00 with margaritas at a small mexican place across from S's with C, F and M. They had 2-for-1 drinks, so we had 4 each. By 4:00, the conversation had turned to sex. F noted that it was way to early to be having that conversation. Somehow that initial drinking binge lasted until 4 in the morning. We went to a back room bar where a minor celebrity was in an even more back room. I tried to convince a girl that we could get in if she came with me. We continued on to a japanese themed bar where we worked really hard to get a seat in an somewhat coveted area and the onto Francey's work where it was decided that the full plates of food on the table next to us were probably up for grabs. They were not. We determined this when the owners came back from the bathroom to find their food on our table. Francey brought us a lot of alcohol. Silly francey. Onto a bar where we apparently met Sahm's girlfriend and colin and i realised that we were too good for other people. This is where my recollections end. According to sahm, after a few more bars, we ended up back at his house where he and I ate ice cream and watched porn. I am skeptical but know it could be true.

Next day. Hangover. Breakfast outside fails. We hold off starting to drink until 6 when we have retardly expensive margaritas at a terrible place called Senor Swankys. We are surrounded by drunk jocks. We realised we are in the middle of a giant Greenwich Village pub crawl. We try to join but it is too late, so we just drink in the same bars. Back to Sahm's. We head out around midnight after taking in 8th and Ocean. TV is terrible.

To a small bar where I force mike to do a whisky drink keg stand. I forget that he is tall and ungainly. People are kicked. We leave. We find a matress which entertains us for at least 10 minutes. It entertains everyone around us. I find my own personal bar. There were actually attractive single ladies sitting at the bar drinking just waiting to be picked up, picked up. I decided that it would be my local if I ever moved to the city. Then to the final bar of the night, where I ended up pouring B52s because the bartendress did not understand layering. Talked to Sahm's girlfriend for hours. Walked home. No porn.

Next day was the best. The whole crew met up, ostensibly to go furniture shopping, but francey, mike, colin and I took the soccer ball and disk into central park. We wandered for hours looking for green space. It doesn't exist so we improvised. When an uncaught throw hit a lady in the head, we knew it was time to leave. Whole Foods in the rotunda and then a walk home. We didn't go to any museums, any special shows. In fact, the weekend was pretty ordinary, but there is just so much life.

Still, I couldn't live there. No green space, no outdoor soccer. I would go nuts.

posturing

2006-04-03T06:45:00.000-07:00

after some agressive posturing on my part about how I was going to purchase expensive new york clothing to allow me to lord over my more provincial friends, my natural impecunious nature resulted in the purchase of only 1 item of clothing: a single, small, white, $3, "I heart NY" t-shirt. I will never wear it, but whimsy got the best of me.

the slogan is apparently registered. so don't go around saying that you heart new york without a good team of lawyers.

tucker max is a bad influence

2006-03-27T20:29:00.000-08:00

I was introduced somewhat recently to the entertaining writings of one Tucker Max. If you haven't heard of him, you should check out his blog. He is a drunk, philandering asshole who got a book deal.

Anyway, I think he is great.

So, I was in Toronto with Mark and Leslie and we started off the night doing various shots of everything. Wine, vodka, bourbon, etc. We seemed to be matching shot for shot, but I soon realised that I was slurring and they were not. I tried to hide it.

We left the apartment. I am not sure where we were going, but we did have our squash racquets.

We came across a graffiti covered alley and stopped to play squash. I believe the allay was actually a garage for ambulances because every now and then an ambulance would leave from the garage behind me. The paramedics were, as I remember, nice. And I was nice to them. Squash continued.

Strangers, coming across a tall curly headed man and his obviously drunk friend playing squash in an alley from where ambulances were emerging, stopped in interest. Matt's emulation of TM started. I told everyone who stopped, in no uncertain terms, to Fuck Off, because we were trying to play a fucking squash game. I yelled at them until they left. It was pretty funny. Apparently, some of the fake anger was lost because I couldn't stop laughing. Still, they left.

We moved onto a bar which had obviously been the site of some sort of reception, or at least that is what makes the most sense because I found a bunch of great food scattered around the place and brought it back to our table. I mean like full plates of vegetables and dip. The friends didn't exactly like me stealing food but they didn't exactly not eat it.

I faded pretty quickly after that. But I think I can build up a better tolerance. And then I could be an asshole all night. I am way too nice a guy.

The next day, with my mother, I went out to the Art Gallary of Ontario, went to an excellent Italian restaurant (we had risotto), went swimming and was in bed by 12. The next, next day Mark, Leslie, my mother and I went for yummy breakfast and then we went to Niagra Falls. See what I mean? Too nice. I haven't yelled at any strangers for like 3 days. Terrible.

niagara

2006-03-27T08:33:00.000-08:00

I have been.

What a strange place. The falls are, as expected, beautiful, but the city and culture that has sprung up around it is incredibly weird.

Casino's and Spiderman Rides and Butterfly Gardens and Parrots. All things I would expect to be related to a large waterfall.

in online

2006-03-23T15:54:00.000-08:00

According to Ian Davis, the managing director of McKinsey (guess where I have been spending my online time) "12 per cent of American newlyweds last year met online."

What?

12% is like 250,000 - 300,000 marriages.

I think that is a tad depressing. I have a few friends and acquaintances who are out exploring the world (zeemer: ASIA!!!) and lament the fact that people in North America are not as friendly or outgoing with strangers as they are in other places. I brushed it off because it is so easy to make friends in all of the life experiences I have had so far (travelling, university, roomate filled accomodation) but 12% is a scary figure. 12% of people obviously looking for a long term relationship had to resort to anonymous communication to actually meet a person.

Shit ... we have to introduce more community. Grandparents first, then strangers. There is no reason why people cannot be meeting people around them.

Of course, I hate it when strangers bug me. Fucking strangers. I am reading something asshole. Can't you see the fucking earphones?

Whatever happened to that book project where everyone was supposed to read the same book so we would have something in common other than a general feeling of distaste for americans?

People should be required to talk on buses. I am going to start talking to people on buses. I will tell you how it goes.

posting problems

2006-03-14T20:57:00.001-08:00

some (lots) of all y'all have no real idea what my past and future chemistry research involves. I won't be doing it for much longer, but here is an accessible piece about the future of the research.

NAMD, the simulation program to which they refer, uses the CHARMM force field. I will be working on a competing force field, AM1.

floating furniture

2006-03-14T18:26:00.000-08:00

i want all my furniture to be floating:

in the heat of the night

2006-03-14T07:04:00.000-08:00

Montreal was freaking great. The city itself is dirty as fuck, although that is probably due to the recent thaw. They have the parisian mindset that dogs can shit everywhere and humans just have to deal with it. The best part is when you see bags of dog shit on the pavement - the owners were considerate enough to bag but still just left the bag on the street.

The architecture and graffiti are so interesting. I was staying at a place in the plateau and the buildings are all gorgeous. I think I am going to try and find a place there. It will be expensive, but it is close to everything fun.

The people I hung out with were all medical students and were just great. Extremely smart, interesting, accomplished and excited. They all loved what they were doing. I felt good in their midst. I think they liked me. They better have fucking liked me. Why is medical school still a draw? fucking medical school. Two of the people I met and spent a long time talking to were both around 28 and in their second year. They had been teachers for 5 years before moving onto medicine. so, in conclusion, who knows.

The miami vice theme (which was the theme of the main party) was great. To prepare we spent a few hours dressing up at Value Village and then we played Miami Vice drinking games. Miami vice, it turns out, is a great show. The drinking game is hard. Tubbs never talks. Nobody got my joke about Tubbs telling people that his name was Mr. Tubbs. Come on. He is a black detective from the south. Fuck em. Miami Vice is corrupting. I think I may change my wardrobe to miami vice.

The weekend was marked by excessive meat consumption. I broke my vegetarianism a little, but not as much as expected. I had told myself that I could make an exception for a Shwartz's (sp?) Smoked Meat Sandwich, but when I got into the restaurant I couldn't order. I settled for a bite of a friends. It was amazingly tatsy, but didn't feel right. I may really be a vegetarian. Damn. I made up for the lack of meat by consuming an unhealthy amount of cheese. We hit up a cheese market and I picked up 4 great cheeses for 10 bucks. I am in trouble. We also bought loads of regional beers. I am in trouble on that front as well. Regional beers are hit or miss but when they hit - wow.

We had to stay in montreal an extra day because two or our tires were
slashed. We think they were slashed at Value Village and because our car had Ontario plates. Mark, the guy we stayed with, thinks it might have been because he shot an unseen dirty look at a bunch of french teens. Mark has issues.

photos should be posted shortly.